Monday, April 25, 2011

Royal Wedding: TV Drive-By Shooting


I'm driving a 24-foot Budget truck on Thursday's exit from Witness Protection Program Land after nearly nine years of glorious isolation. 

No Chickaboomer this week.  Timing is exquisite.  The ghastly American media-saturated mind-numbing Royal Wedding ratings-driven obscenely expensive spectacle wall-to-wall.   I was jolted out of my pre-coffee zombie state by MSNBC's Joe Scarborough waxing nostalgic about 1981's Charles and Diana nuptials.  "I was very excited in '81 . . ."   Joe Scarborough had just turned 18 in April 1981.  Ah, yes, in-the-know Morning Joker Joe, Royal Historian. Royal arse in a court jester's triple-spiked  hat.  I'll get the pix. Scarborough donned the hat in the final seconds of Monday's show.

What Have We Learned Today?  Argggghhhh!  Enough to drive me up a wall . . .
Joe's Sunday Easter message via Twitter
Mika:  "It's never polite to sneer at anything." April 25, 2011
Joe's Monday message to CNN: "Judging from the CNN documentary that has been running on a loop at CNN International over the past weekend--"

"Sorry, Joe, what's CNN exactly?"

Joe:  "I don't know.  It's some American network."



Saturday, April 23, 2011

Larry's Standard Oil

The cheese stands alone
"I'm very funny!" Septuagenarian Larry King in a NYDN pimp of the May 14th kickoff of his new career as a stand-up comedianLarry claims he's been working on his routine the past two months.

Those who know Larry and have heard his "funny stories" more than once, are skeptical. We'll see if his hype has legs to stand on.

Friday, April 22, 2011

This Was Today on NBC

Friday April 22, 2011
London 1981
Jane Pauley and Tom Brokaw on Today today (Friday) to fan NBC's obscenely expensive royal wedding coverage with a Cecil B. DeMille cast of thousands. The duo did Charles and Diana's 1981 nuptials.
Tom (sitting on the microphone):  "We forget to put the microphone on."  Jane:  "You gotta keep the equipment warm." Tom: "Now, wait a minute!"
Forget the royal wedding pimp.  See Fun with Jane and Tom then and now. 1976.  Jane beat out 250 babes older, seasoned talent to land Barbara Walters's Today show gig. In one memorable audition Jane was paired with sardonic globetrotting NBC News correspondent Lloyd Dobyns, who went on do NBC's quirky overnight show with Linda Ellerbee (the Grace Slick of TV news) in the early 1980s.  Dobyns lifted his signature sign-off from Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five "So it goes."

Jane and Lloyd got into an argument over whether there was a cat in the once-popular Dick and Jane books.  Smug Lloyd shot down Jane.  Jane stood her ground and (correctly as it turned out) insisted, indeed, there was a cat: Puff. I was nearly two years' Jane's senior, and an anchor at an NBC affiliate in Michigan, knew about Puff --and watched with smug satisfaction.

The word "smackdown" hadn't been invented in 1976, but that's what it was! Jane's "great poise" won over NBC News president Dick Wald "Nothing rattled her."

She was just 25 and had shot to Chicago's NBC O&O WMAQ from WISH in Indianapolis. Jane got the evening news anchor chair in 1975 next to veteran Floyd Kalber (hired, ironically, in 1976 as Today's news anchor).

In 1975 Chicago Tribune TV critic Gary Deeb infamously dismissed Jane as possessing "the IQ of a cantaloupe."  Jane is Stephen Hawking to today's TV news village idiots.

Today
peppers this seven-minute segment with old clips, new clips, live interviews, and puzzling music beds My Sharona and Captain and Tennille's Love Will Keep Us Together.  I would've unearthed 1976's Squeeze Box by The Who or Afternoon Delight (DC's Starland Vocal Band).



Epilogue: Lloyd Dobyns is 75. Linda Ellerbee, 66. So it goes . . .

Charles Krauthammer on Trump: "He's running."

When Charles Krauthammer Talks, People Listen.  Even Donald Trump. The syndicated columnist, medical doc (shrink), and Fox News contributor got a call from Donald Himself Thursday.  Krauthammer has been hard on Trump, calling him the Repubs version of Al Sharpton, and "a vulgarian," stealing a page from the long-defunct Spy Magazine which, in its '80s heyday, harped on Trump as a "short-fingered vulgarian."
April 1988
On Thursday's Special Report, Bret Baier promised a "surprise" at the end of the panel's usual shtick.  It was Charles regaling the tale of Donald's call to show how serious he is about running (NYT/CBS poll 60% Repubs don't think he's serious):

 "It was a surprise, and when my secretary told me, I put on a helmet and a flak jacket as I answered the phone. I expected a tirade, which he had every right to do given what I have been saying about him. In fact, he was courteous but very calm, and he made his case, rather than sort of attacking everything I said about him. Simply, he made his case: “I’m a serious businessman, I'm a serious man, I’m a serious candidate.”

Trump's outreach wasn't enough to change Krauthammer's mind. At least not yet. Or maybe never. Charles gave Trump a heads-up about Friday's column which is "even worse on what I've said about him on television." The Janesville (WI) Gazette ran Krauthammer's column handicapping Repub presidential odds (Trump a "long-shot") as is.

"Donald Trump: He’s not a candidate, he’s a spectacle. He’s also not a conservative. With a wink and a smile, Muhammad Ali showed that self-promoting obnoxiousness could be charming. Trump shows that it can be merely vulgar. A provocateur and a clown, the Republicans’ Al Sharpton. The Lions have a better chance of winning the Super Bowl.:

The Hartford (CN) Courant wielded a scalpel:




Via
Mediaite

Thursday, April 21, 2011

GE: "Progress is our most important product."

Immelt and ObamaI can see Russia from here!
"Our environment continues to improve and get better." GE CEO Jeff Immelt on NBC's part-owner's 77% profit increase in Q1 2011.WSJ

Not only did GE not pay federal taxes on 2010 $14.2 bil in revenue, the world's second-largest company (Forbes 2010) got $3.2 bil back -- ironically the precise cost of a French company GE snapped up and the NYT trumpeted -- March 29th.

In January Immelt was named Obama's jobs creaaction czar.

Related:  Tax Free GE!  Chickaboomer March 29, 2011
GE's Engine Block
NBC News & GE:  The Parent Trap
Immelt named WH jobs czar three days after GE/Comcast deal and Immelt $2 bil China deal Jan. 21, 2011

Does Anybody Really Know What Time Is?*

Ego or dick?
MSNBC's Joe Scarborough makes TIME mag's 100 Most Influential list. The pimp is penned by the presumptive other half of Scarborough 2012: NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg:

Eye-rolling, scowling Mika Brzezinski?

Usual Suspects:  Arianna HuffingtonTed Turner waxes lucid on Oprah. Michelle Obama is ass-kissed as "a true revolutionary."  John Boehner. Joe Biden by Rahm Emanuel likening the marriage of one-time political rivals Obama and Biden as "a shotgun marriage that works."

Rush Limbaugh warns liberals that they "underestimate" Michele Bachmann "at their own risk."
Photo:  Pete Souza The White House
 Barack Obama:


Rupert Murdoch weighs in on Afghan media mogul Saad Mohseni
.

Amy Poehler?  You gotta be kidding!

TIME's Joel Stein on The List:  "It's junior high school pathetic." Full list here.

Joe Scarborough?

*Chicago 1969 Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?

Boyz In The Hoodie

Obama and Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg
You know you're going to have to pay more taxes.  Obama to young Facebook billionaire Mark Zuckerberg at a snare the young folk transparent WTF campaign stop at Facebook's HQ in Palo Alto.  Wash Post snarky columnist Dana Milbank

Zuckerberg"I'm cool with that."  Obama "I know you're cool with that." 

Easy for them to say.  A NYDN readers' poll out Thursday finds the liberal Mort Zuckerman rag's readers are anything but "cool with that."
On your mark!  Obama and Zuckerberg ditch the coats!
Zuckerberg gives Obama a Facebook hoodie
After the shtick, Obama got down to the business of trashing Repubs.  Wash Post NYT

Obama sped off to collect enough dough to buy a Chinese hoodie factory at fundraisers in SF, Reno, LA . . .

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

CNN: Running on Empty

Tuesday April 19, 2011 via Robert Seidman TVbytheNumbers
With terminally tanking CNN American Morning ratings, it seems more likely that anchoress Kiran Chetry would be dragging her feet to the set.

But here she is, eating on the run, late for a one-year BP oil anniversary segment as nonplussed colleagues Christine Roman and Ali Veshi carry on with Christine blabbing about "smaller animals not doing very well farther down the food chain." Presumably Roman wasn't referring to CNN.
Born To Run
Ugh!  Uggs...
More likely Kiran doesn't give a rat's ass because she's history. Getting the boot. The Ugg.  The hook.  Or so they say.  The Cable Game
Cable Game graphic
Kiran Explains It All via Carpe Diem (H/t ZD)

Vid via Geoff Sanders If you play it backwards, it wails "CNN is dead."
Piers Morgan behind Dr. Drew in golden 25-54 demo Tuesday April 19, 2011 via TVbytheNumbers

354,000 total viewers a new low. Via TVNewser

Andrea Mitchell: NBC's Belle Amie

NBC's Chief Foreign Affairs Correspondent Andrea Mitchell isn't the only NBC News journo living a schizo existence appearing on NBC and MSNBC. 

Think of it as a TV news version of Andrea's passion at the moment: the 2011 version Upstairs, Downstairs on PBS's Masterpiece Theatre -- the acclaimed Brit import that captivated PBS audiences in 1974 starring the upper crust Bellamy family and their downstairs servants.
Stained palms sliding downstairs on MSNBC
Trainer? Charlie SheenSomebody at NBC got it.  Charlie Sheen's meltdown was hi-def wallpaper for days on most of these NBC platforms.
Upstairs at the 2011 Congressional Correspondents' Dinner
Andrea the scan artist on NBC's Meet The Press!
  Atlantic Wire's John Hudson via Johnny Dollar on Andrea's daily reading habits:

Downstairs:  Out, damn'd spot!
Andrea: "If I have one gripe about the blogosphere, I sure would like to see less about Donald Trump. I just think that in this hyperactive atmosphere heavily-influenced by blogs we're paying entirely too much attention to people who are not candidates and not intended to be candidates."

Not to mention the excessive air time MSNBC and NBC News have spent pimping now-radioactive Trump and NBC's primetime hit show Celebrity Apprentice starring, uh -- Donald Trump.

Related (it's a s-t-r-e-t-c-h):  Ma Belle Amie Tee Set 1969

See BS

April 14 via Mark Knoller Twitpics
Last week intrepid, indefatigable CBS Radio WH correspondent Mark Knoller listened in to Barack Obama's private conversation with money bags donors at a private fundraiser.
Turns out CBS edited Knoller's tape of Obama waxing nasty unaware of a hot mic.  Knoller now says "my editors decided against it."  Via John Romano YBH

What CBS did allow was Obama trashing the Repubs and calling the great unwashed federal government grunts "slugs."

Only Knoller and CBS know what else Obama said.  Maybe he called Michele Bachmann the C-word. It'll come out in due time.  Understandable that CBS News doesn't want their balls cut off by Obama famous for threatening media access to the prez.*

Related: Mark Knoller White House plays down leak of private Obama comments April 15, 2011 via CBS AARP mag June 2010 Knoller piece: "He's Good at Keeping Tabs on the President."

*See "Fuck Fox News"

(H/t Vinney)

Captain Kid

Sunday NYT mag via Politico
Story and young Barry photos here.  Related:  Drudge Report on new book outing Obama hitting stores May 17th. (H/t ZD)

Don't Touch My Junket!

Weyant's World The Hill
Congress is off on a spring fling on your dime!  Harry Reid's leading a week-long ten-senator codel to China on military jets with military escorts!  Wash Post's Al Kamen quotes the Senate press release "an informational trip."  Translation: the ubiquitous "fact-finding" traditionally invoked to justify the frequent fliers. Harry's throwing in a couple of Repub senators just to make it fair.

Al finds no transparency There will be no time for shopping in Hong Kong and hardly any time to tour the giant panda’s native habitat in Chengdu or see the ginormous Buddha at Leshan. Not a minute for the Terra Cotta Warriors in lovely Xian, a walled city and the gateway to the Silk Road.

They’ll be so rushed gathering facts, they won’t have a chance to see the wonderful mausoleum of the Western Han emperor Liu Qi and his wife, a site out by the Xian airport that in some ways is more interesting than the famed warriors. But they’ve got to eat, so a stop at that dumpling restaurant just outside the wall is a must. You can tell what’s inside the dumplings because they’re shaped like pigs, cows, ducks, etc. And forget the Great Wall.

The trip is called a “senior” Senate delegation because, in addition to Reid, second-ranking Democrat Dick Durbin (Ill.) and other major players are on board: Democrats Barbara Boxer (Calif.), Chuck Schumer (N.Y.), Frank Lautenberg (N.J.), Jeff Merkley (Ore.) and Michael Bennet (Colo.) and Republicans Richard Shelby (Ala.), Mike Enzi (Wyo.) and Johnny Isakson (Ga.).

Can’t say whether the delegation, to show Washington’s concern over human rights, will be celebrating Good Friday or Easter with any of the Christians in Beijing who’ve been arrested on recent Sundays in the latest Communist crackdown on religious groups.

We can’t say because, when we tried to get more details on the itinerary, we were told no more could be disclosed because of “security concerns.” Over the years this arrant foolishness has become a major dodge to hide what lawmakers are going to be doing no matter where they travel abroad. (More details are released after the trips, but usually not complete itineraries.)

China, after all, is generally about as dangerous as McLean. The only security threat in Xian might be if one of the Terra Cotta guys came alive, yelled “Hey! It’s Jeff Merkley!” and smacked him upside the head.

Snarky Al invokes the politically-charged "fellow travelers."

At least 17 (that’s seventeen) senators are in Asia this week. (Surely others must be headed to St. Peter’s Square, no?)

In addition to the Reid delegation, there’s a five-member group led by Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) on a week-long trip stopping in South Korea to discuss trade matters and then going on to some other to-be-disclosed destinations.

McConnell is joined by GOP Sens. Rob Portman (Ohio), Mike Johanns (Neb.), John Hoeven (Neb.) and Jerry Moran (Kan.). Spouses will be on the fine military jet but may not be going with the lawmakers to all locations.

Sen. Carl Levin (D-Mich.), after a private trip in the region with his wife on his own dime, meets Sen. Jim Webb (D-Va.) in Hong Kong. Webb, on a two-week tour starting in South Korea and Vietnam, joins Levin for a trip to Guam, Okinawa and Tokyo. This has to do mainly with issues involved in moving the Marines from the base in Okinawa to a new facility in Guam under a recent relocation deal with the Japanese. Unclear whether Webb’s wife is traveling on the earlier parts of the trip.
WSJ story
Related: Washington Examiner on Pelosi-led 2010 junket.

Full disclosure: No matter how they spin it, these time-honored trips are nothing more than obscenely expensive vacations the tourists could never afford. I know.  Flying around the Middle East and Europe on a military jet with two pilots, two passengers, and a military escort serving as steward, bag-carrier, and 24/7 butt boy, is obscene.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Medium is the Massage

Dim View

Michelle's fun house Mirror reflects the joint appearance of Michelle Obama and Jill Biden wooing the military vote on Monday's ABC The View. Vid via ABC

The Big News:  Michelle Obama unveils a face injected with (a) Botox, (b) Restylane, (c) Juvederm, (d) Radiesse, (e) Sculptra, (f) leftover ass fat from Geraldo Rivera's televised 1998 forehead injection, or (g) cryo-preserved cuttings from Joe Biden's multiple face and eye jobs.
Then
 Now:
Forehead, above the eyebrows (nose bridge perpetual frown resistant to fillers), crow's feet . . .
Laugh lines, lip corners, crevices below nose and lips. Facial laser resurfacing.
Jerry Rivers Geraldo Rivera reporting from Libya (vid Jon Stewart)
13 years later Geraldo's forehead remains unlined
Joe Biden after 30+ years under the knife

Sieg Guile: The Furor Over Trump

Robinson: "If he now has decided to take himself seriously, I’m afraid we’re going to have to follow suit."

Fellow Wash Post columnist Richard Cohen kicks off Tuesday's "TheComeback Huckster" appearing to the left of Robinson's with a quote from an ancient VF piece: Back in 1990, Ivana Trump told her divorce lawyer Michael Kennedy that “from time to time, her husband [Donald Trump] reads a book of Hitler’s collected speeches, ‘My New Order,’ which he keeps in a cabinet by his bed.” This information, which comes from a startling 1990 Vanity Fair profile of Trump, certainly does not prove that he is anti-Semitic (a daughter recently converted to Judaism) and is cited here just because, as with so much about Trump, it makes no sense at all. It is just another grenade that comes rolling out of the profile — yet another detail about Trump that is just plain weird, sordid, compellingly interesting and, upon reflection, terrifying. Nothing stops the man.  

After presenting other damning evidence, Cohen winds up with "Such a man cannot become president."

ABC's George Stephanopoulos deconstructs a new ABC/Wash Post poll confirming (A) Obama is in trouble, and (B) Donald Trump is #2 behind Mitt Romney. (WP)

More stats via WP
A sly ABC reporter:  "He has ... an enormous-- well, see for yourself. . . . a bigger what you might ask?"

Translation:  Who has the bigger dick?  Donald or Mitt:



Over at the NYT, columnist David Brooks explores Why Trump Soars"Trump is no joke. He emerges from deep currents in our culture, and he is tapping into powerful sections of the national fantasy life. I would never vote for him, but I would never want to live in a country without people like him."