Snooki and Nooky

What do Jersey Shore and CNN's Parker Spitzer have in common?  They both grace NYDN media critic David Hinkley's 10 worst TV shows of 2010:

Hinckley's charitable . . .  Parker Spitzer is like lousy lay Eliot. His hookers just wanted it to be over.

Hula Massacre

CNN's WH correspondent Ed Henry, in Hawaii with the prez, demonstrates his hula moves with other reporters and WH staff. Via Fishbowl DC and CNN:



Later, far from the smoking gun camera, Ed demonstrated the horizontal hula . . .

Eliot Spitzer: Dead Meat

CNN's dismal dueling duo, Eliot Spitzer and Kathleen Parker, clock in at 107 as a "train wreck" on the NYT's "The 110 Things New Yorkers Talked About in 2010." 

Sleazy prostitute-loving Republican operative Roger Stone (who ratted on Eliot) was deemed far more interesting at number 85.  Lady Gaga's meat dress beats Eliot's 8p CNN meet at 95.  Mika and Joe: 82.

Mika and Joe what? 

NYT's top 10: 

"Shep Smith is probably the premier anchor journalist of my generation. He's terrific." But . . .

MSNBC pariah David Shuster filled in for my good friend, Jim Bohannon, on his nationally syndicated radio talk show Wednesday night --two weeks after I appeared on his year-end show.

Shuster didn't diss MSNBC brass for beaching him months ago after they found out he did a pilot show for rival CNN.  He hinted at some grand 2011 plan to be unveiled later now that his contract has evaporated.  Read:  some in-depth investigation Internet site uncovering "corruption." 

"There are some terrific journalists at Fox News ... but . . ."  Listen here at Johnny Dollar's Place 5:24 in.  Shuster bores me so I'm not going to waste my valuable time transcribing his bullshit.

Shuster teaser:  "MSNBC will never be as liberal as Fox is conservative." 

Joe Flint's Church of the Early Risen Savior

As 2010 comes to a jarring (for some) and welcome (for many) close, there are those in the business of pondering the fates and fortunes of those more fortunate than most of us.  Such as Katie Couric and her $75 mil five-year contract expiring in six months.   The LAT's Joe Flint preaches Katie should be a "savior" and rescue the third place CBS Early Show. 

Chickaboomer Returns After Boxing Day

I let Santa feel me up for nothing. Sat on top of his lap lusting after a new laptop but all the laptop longed for was a cooling fan.

Merry Christmas to non-secularists everywhere! My Cole Family Boxing Day is December 26. Driving to Michigan at oh dark thirty Sunday a.m.  Be back the 29th.  God bless you and yours! From me and mine.

CNN: Clairvoyant News Network?

CNN's new prez, Ken Jautz, is combing Manhattan bars looking for the psychic who predicted Eliot Spitzer's political demise.  Friday's NYT reports a psychic zeroed in on Spitzer's successor, David Paterson, in a NYC bar in 2007, telling him Spitzer was going to "self-destruct."  Four months later Paterson was governor. H/t Rita Rich

Jautz wants to offer the psychic a job divining the DNA of the "connective tissue" he "is knitting" into CNN's prime time. That quote came from Jautz himself in the WSJ.  Ken is on a genetic engineering mission to rid the fourth place cable network of mutagens.  May I suggest mutagens like Eliot Spitzer?

Kenneth, What's The Frequency?

The longtime news director at Fox's Charlotte, NC TV station is facing charges after he was busted stealing groceries. Police say this isn't the first time at the same store.

Ken White, 54, finds himself in court on Groundhog Day.

The local media finally reported on White's weekend arrest Tuesday. White showed up for work Monday and reportedly didn't mention it during the a.m. news meeting.

WCCB veep John Huchinson told the Charlotte Observer:  "If there's anything to it, we'd certainly look into it." TVSpy

I'm Dreaming Of A Byte Christmas

Marty & Santa. Marty's imploring Santa for a new computer because, alas, it crashed again. Photo, 12-22-2010 SouthPark Mall, Charlotte, NC.

I Saw Nina Kissing Santa Claus

NPR reporteress Nina Totenberg is, forgive the expression, running for the shelter of her mother's little helper over being unfairly tagged anti-Christmas.  Totenberg, in Jamaica for "Christmas vacation," revises and defends her remarks to the Wash Post's Reliable Sources' gossipistas: we reached Totenberg herself during her "Christmas vacation" (her term) in Jamaica. Turns out her critics got it completely wrong: She was, she says, defending Christmas. The DOJ celebration was officially dubbed a "holiday" party, and she was gently mocking that generic designation. "I think that's kind of silly because it's obviously a Christmas party," she told us. "I was tweaking the Department of Justice. It was a touch of irony at the expense of the Justice department, not at the expense of Christmas."As for the bloggers who were so quick to judge -- without bothering to ask her what she meant: "Jeesh, these folks need a life -- and perhaps a touch of the Christmas spirit, as well."

Forgive the expression, but I am taking Wednesday off to sit in Santa's lap. In the Big City where Christmas reigns. The high-end SouthPark Mall in Charlotte,  NC, where my wallet will be parked under the car seat.  Mall Santa visits can be an expensive proposition these days -- if you're a sucker for the ubiquitous photo vultures. 

I'll post my OWN photos Thursday . . . 

NBC to Page Six: Don't Touch Our Junk

Page Six: While Katie Couric may settle for a pay cut at CBS News, as Page Six reported in September, industry insiders are buzzing that "Today" fixture Matt Lauer will flex his star power with NBC when he renegotiates his contract in 2012. Sources say Lauer, who will sit firmly in the anchor chair covering the Olympics and the presidential election, will likely ask for a salary raise as well as a four-day workweek, like his co-host, Meredith Vieira. But an NBC insider said, "This is completely untrue. Matt Lauer is not in contract negotiations." An NBC rep said, "We do not comment on contracts."

Fox News: Still Leader Of The Pack

Monday, Dec. 20, 2010 via TVbytheNumbers

FCC's Net Fix

The FCC takes the first step in regulating the Internet in a controversial, party line vote on "net neutrality."  B&C  WSJ Obama's new FCC head Julius Genachowski, above. Matt Drudge had a great headline Monday:  JULIUS SEIZURE.  B&C has excerpts of Julius's statement before the vote Tuesday.

Update:  Obama's statement following the FCC's 3-2 vote:

Ah, Henry Waxman, the lame duck House Commerce Committee chairman.  The Republican takeover of the House didn't come a moment too soon.  Waxman, Pelosi, and others now in the House minority have little chance to silence conservative talk radio's Rush Limbaugh with a new, improved Fairness Doctrine. No chance now of  an Obama FCC end run around the House.

Until voters stopped them in their tracks, Dems were hellbent on reconstituting the FCC Fairness Doctrine which legally paved the way for one-sided talk radio (read Rush Limbaugh) when it was repealed in the late 1980s. After Nancy Pelosi bullied her way into House Speaker, she threw powerful longtime House Energy and Commerce Committee chair John Dingell under the bus and replaced him with fellow Californian, the rabid reformer Henry Waxman.

For more on Waxman's crusade in league with Pelosi, Hillary et al., click on Fairnes Doctrine and Henry Waxman. 

Related:  How they did it with high-powered lobbyists ignoring anti-FCC/Internet regulatory court rulings -- John Fund WSJ

Washington Examiner: Repub Tea Party boss Jim DeMint vows to fight the FCC net flicks, suggesting the regulatory agency be renamed "Fabricating Crisis Commission."

"The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now." - Don Rickles

Larry King tried out his comedy routine on Jay Leno Monday night.  Now that Larry got the hook from CNN ("Like your mother-in-law going over the cliff in your new Cadillac"), the 77-year-old storyteller (he doesn't do jokes) is polishing his standup act:



Part 1: Jay:  "Has it sunk in yet?"  Larry:  "It's tough."




Part 2:


:

Larry tells Jay he started wearing suspenders after ditching those ugly ass sweater vests.  If Larry's shtick on Jay is a portent of things to come, Larry's not dead yet. Below the waist he's still alive sans Viagra. See Part 1.

How To Get A Job At MSNBC

Keith Olbermann's rival may not be his now-MSNBC "It Girl" protegee Rachel Maddow, but surly Ed Schultz.

The Daily Beast's Howard Kurtz profiles "surprise star" Schultz:  "Five years ago, he was a radio guy in Fargo, North Dakota, borrowing money to stay afloat; now MSNBC is touting him as a surprise star of its liberal lineup . . .  The Ed Show just enjoyed its best quarter and is up 19 percent this year over last, averaging 637,000 viewers. That is way behind Special Report With Bret Baier on Fox News, which is up 4 percent with 2.1 million viewers, but ahead of Wolf Blitzer’s Situation Room on CNN, down 29 percent with 544,000 viewers. His visibility is such that Schultz considered a plea from North Dakota Democrats that he run for the Senate this year."

So how did popular Fargo, ND talk radio guy and Republican turned liberal Schultz engineer the move to MSNBC?  Cunningly.  The quid pro quo for his 2004 $2,000 campaign contribution to ND Sen. Byran Dorgan was radio syndication.  Schultz then forked over thousands of dollars for a satellite uplink to get face time on cable news shows like Larry King.

Schultz moved to DC after Obama's election, and caught the eye of MSNBC boss Phil Griffin at a WH press conference.  Griffin took him out for coffee. 

Kurtz quotes Griffin:  “I just connected with him. I thought, ‘Holy cow, that guy is a live wire!’” After a tryout, Griffin pressed Schultz to move to New York to start a 6 p.m. show. “You have to understand,” the new employee said, “I moved here to get this job!”    

The Ed Show debuted in April 2009. Griffin's subsequently been burned by that "live wire"and has expressed his concern in terms the former college football star comprehends:  “There are times I tell him he goes over the top and that TV is different than radio. A couple of times he’s crossed the line. I said, ‘Ed, you ran down the field 100 yards and you spiked the ball. Don’t spike the ball!’”

Love him or hate him, you gotta hand it to bald ambition Schultz.  He's got balls . . . 

Katie Couric: I Can Fly!

CBS and Katie Couric have started dancing around a new contract which, if one believes the leaks from last summer, demand ratings hind tit  Katie to eat a huge pay cut. The third-place anchoress is winding up a five-year $75 mil contract.

CNN would love to snap up Couric.  The way I see it she can do it all like Anderson Cooper who appears on CBS News' 60 Minutes PLUS a new chick talk show in the works at WB.  Bloomberg  Michael Starr NYP

If I were King, I'd shut up ex-Dan Rather heir John Roberts -- recently booted from the dismal CNN a.m. show American Morning and has had a boner for CBS suits since Katie got Dan's gig -- and park him in Katie's chair.  On second thought, I'd replace Katie with youngish Anderson Cooper. 

Katie draws a much lower salary on 60 Minutes AND as the new host of CNN's cursed 8p slot currently occupied by the disastrous dueling duo of Eliot Spitzer and Kathleen Parker. 

Larry King's Gilded Coach Changes Back Into A Pumpkin

Friday December 17, 2010 via TVbytheNumbers

Paperless Paco

"Only a judge, not a journalist, can say that someone is an illegal." Leo E. Laurence, Esq., urging journalists to cease using "illegal alien" and "illegal immigrant" to describe freeloading criminals entering the U.S. illegally to milk free services paid for by American-born taxpayers.

Leo, on the Society of Professional Journalists' diversity committee, recommends SPJ adopt a resolution at its 2011 convention to forever ban what he maintains is a unconstitutional epithet to "minimize harm" caused by the continued use of a word Latinos despise painting them as criminals. The committee chair insists the change is not motivated by political correctness.  But the Constitution where everyone's innocent until proven guilty.

Preferred:  "Undocumented worker," even though the venerable AP Stylebook prefers "illegal."  H/t ZD

Leo lives in California.  This explains it all:

Vive la difference!

If NBC Nightly News infrequent "Making a Difference" segments are "the most popular thing we do," why doesn't ratings-challenged NBC develop a prime time show?  NBC's Brian Williams (the good news bit was his wife, Jane's, 2009 idea to offset bad news) tells the NYDN's Richard Huff: "It just resonates.  And now we have, like, 550 backlogged viewer-suggested reports."

Blue Christmas

It used to be that one prefaced expletives with "forgive the expression."  Or "pardon my French." NPR's Nina Totenberg uses the former before uttering the profanity "Christmas party." As in "I was at a Department of Justice Christmas party."   H/t NewsBusters and ZD

Diane Sawyer Icky Leaks

What does this tell you when Diane Sawyer's adoring co-workers sing Dionne Warwick's 1967 Burt Bachrach love song "I Say A Little Prayer" to celebrate the sexagenarian ABC News anchoress's upcoming birthday Wednesday?  Page Six reports investigative reporter Brian Ross donned black tie for the occasion Friday.

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart ... Together, together, that's how it must be, to live without you would only mean heartbreak for meee-eee . . .  For me there is no one, but you, please love me, too . . . 

Ick. Why this song?  Ugh.



Brian should've strapped on a sequined thong and crooned "Long Cool Woman In A Black Dress" (The Hollies 1972):



Your Diane birthday theme songs?

Why Keith Olbermann Is Not On Twitpics

"My biggest problem with the whole Brett Favre thing is, if you're going to send a woman a picture of your junk, it should be huge. You can't send small junk to a woman and expect anything."   Charles Barkley on Brett Favre's dick cell phone pix to a chix sports reporter. NYP  Sports Grid




Below, Olbermann's tongue isn't even a turn-on:

Breaking News!  Olbermann deigns to return to Twitter after a three-day protest. Huff Post

Fatty Issue

"Don't ask me. I'm all about substance."  CNN Reliable Sources host and Daily Beast blogger Howard Kurtz on the cable news food fight between MSNBC's Chris Matthews and Fox's Neil Cavuto after Matthews maligned NJ Governor Chris Christie's (right) poundage.  Last week Matthews' colleague Keith Olbermann followed up, fingering Cavuto with smoking gun video of Cavuto's own fat attacks after admitted pudge Cavuto attacked Pillsbury Doughboy Matthews.Mediaite

It's all so fucking stupid, no?  Don't ask, don't tell . . . 

Howard chews the fat with Larry King next Sunday where the showless showman won't be given the whole hour, but Howard promised today he'll get "plenty of time." 

MSNBC & CNN: F**k Ewe

Fox News' PR shop always conjurs the best Christmas holiday cards. This year's via Huff Post with ratings-fleecing foxes shearing the competition represented by sheep pawns:

Good Vibrations?

Drudge WWIII Sunday head.  Not only that, the planet Mercury is in retrograde.  Life as we know it is over...Or to quote Will Ferrell's Ricky Bobby in Talledega Nights, "Shake and bake!" 

Back To Witness Protection Program Land

Jim Bohannon's 2010 Year In Review is a wrap.  In the can, man!  Onward and upward to 2011!  Photos shot at Westwood One studios at CBS News Washington, DC bureau Friday Dec. 17, 2010.

The aggregate IQ (minus me) of Jim, David Boaz, and Paul Rodrieguez cranks out enough brain power to run Obama's spin machine for another millennium. If you wanna talk about Vlad Putin, Russian sleeper cells, political hacks, flacks; media airheads, head trips, hot heads, butt heads, I'm your go-to.

Paul and Marty clowning before airtime:

Jim, David Boaz, Paul, Marty assemble for a group shot!

We're ready for our close-up, Mr. De Mille!

My thanks to Jim's stellar producer, Paul Hill, for unearthing every song with the words "chick," "boom," including a new music bed I'd never heard from Carmen Miranda.  Engineer Arthur Hardy brought the tunes to life!  Confidential to Bill Pimble:  I misssed you.  Again!

Larry: Not Fade Away

Leave it to brilliant Wash Post TV critic Tom Shales (he of Wash Post early buyout and now a contract employee) to nail Larry King's last show:  "Lurching awkwardly between classy gestures and underwhelming torpor, "Larry King Live" breathed its last on CNN Thursday night, even if its star and founding father kept reminding viewers that though his program was ending, "you're not going to see me go away." Whew. That was a close one.

Left, NYP headline with story noting that Larry's farewell week numbers are lower than last week. Tuesday and Wednesday numbers were up, but still not as good as the week before. TVbytheNumbers

Comedian Bill Maher, who at one point uttered the word "douchebag," was in Larry's L.A. studio along with Merv Griffin's media empire successor, Ryan Seacrest, whom Shales dubbed "dimwitted."

Maher right out of the box:  "This is the end of a show, not the end of a man."

Apparently Maher doesn't know Larry's desperate clinging to that which gave him identity and breathed life into his very existence:  radio and TV, specifically CNN these past 25 years.

This is the Larry I remember.  Chains smoking in the studio.  Mutual Radio's newsroom was dotted with smokers pounding out hourlies and half hourlies on Underwood manual typewriters.  Here he is in 1982 puffing and puffing about his all-night talk radio show (I was Larry's overnight news anchor in 1979) with CSPAN's Brian Lamb.  H/t TVNewser



Related:  Wash Post Larry's Career in Photos  Wash Post's TV critic Lisa de Moraes "We will miss you, Larry King" MSNBC's full page USA Today ad via Huffington Post

Rather than weighing in on Larry's swan song, Baltimore Sun's TV critic David Zurawik is asking readers what they thought of his last show.

Having worked with and known Larry, it was sadly stilted.  Other TV news watchers are ticking off the celebrities (Trump, financial whiz flashing unnaturally white teeth Suze Orman on cocaine?, Dr. Phil), politicians (Obama, Arnold, Bill Clinton), media stars (Katie Couric, Diane Sawyer, Babs Walters, Brian Williams -- all in Larry's NY studio), Regis Philbin, Anderson Cooper, showering effusive tributes.

Where was H. Ross Perot -- the "I'm all ears" Texas billionaire Repub presidential candidate who launched Larry into the media stratosphere by appearing on Larry's show in 1992 and changing the political landscape by pioneering a novel concept in politics:  campaigning via TV talk show.

Today's ubiquitous political "strategists" and media mavens would dub Larry a "game changer."

Larry appeared quite uncomfortable when SNL's Larry impersonator Fred Armisen popped up in identical Larry garb.  It's painful to watch:



Anyone who knows Larry knows he loves to sing the standards and knows the words to them all -- except the one Frank Sinatra tune Regis Philbin threw out at the flummoxed Larry:



In Larry's final soliloquy, he vowed "you're not gonna see me go away," indicating CNN specials, among other things.  If I were a betting woman (and Larry loves to gamble -- he brought a huge gambling debt from Miami to DC), I would make book Larry, 77, won't been seen again on CNN. Quoth the Raven:  Nevermore.

The oddest line came from Larry's wife, Shawn, who mused that perhaps Larry's next move is a "paper route" to "kick you out of the house."   Shawn's already figuring out a way to spice it up by getting it on with the paper boy.

Larry's legacy may very well be his 10-year-old son, Cannon.  The kid's got his dad's shtick down pat.

I'm appearing on Jim Bohannon's nationally syndicated radio talk show tonight in DC -- Larry's old radio show that Jim took over more than 15 years ago when Larry bagged radio.  We'll talk Larry somewhere between 10p and 1a . . .

Update:  Larry enticed 2.24 mil viewers.  Richard Huff NYDN  TVbhytheNumbers

Blake Edwards, Peter Sellers, Henry Mancini -- Together Again At Last!

The brilliance behind Peter Gunn, The Pink Panther, Breakfast At Tiffany's, Days of Wine and Roses and more (my fave A Shot In The Dark 1964 with Peter Sellers and Elke Sommer -- my first drive-in movie in 1965), has exited the planet. Pneumonia. Blake Edwards was 88.  He leaves behind his wife of 41 years, Julie Andrews. [2001 photo] Peter Gunn started a collaboration with Henry Mancini that was to last 30 years.  Wash Post

A classic Blake Edwards scene from the 1968 movie The Party starring Peter Sellers.  I saw it at the drive-in (remember those?), and actually watched the movie:

Incredibly, the prolific writer/producer/director never won an Oscar, just an honorary in 2004.  He was my kind of guy, channeling lifelong depression into comedy. NYT

NPR Wins: Beg-a-thon Numbers Up

Paul Farhi Wash Post: A funny thing happened to NPR stations after the worst publicity fiasco in NPR's history: almost nothing at all. Public radio outlets across the country braced for the worst from their listeners after NPR fired commentator Juan Williams for remarks he made on a Fox News program in late October. With denunciations ringing nightly on Fox and from conservatives in Congress, the stations worried that they might be punished for the actions of Washington-based NPR, public radio's leading programming organization. Of particular concern: that the storm over Williams would affect contributions from listeners, corporations and local governments, which stations rely on to stay in business. Yet after an initial flurry of mostly angry e-mails and calls in the wake of the Oct. 20 firing of Williams, the controversy waned quickly and has all but disappeared, station managers say. More important, perhaps, is that few contributors revoked financial pledges made to the stations during fundraising drives held the week of Williams's firing.

Chickaboomer Pimp Alert

The testy trio of Paul Rodriguez, David Boaz, and Chickaboomer duke it out for the second year in a row with nationally syndicated Radio Hall of Famer Jim Bohannon on his Year In Review show Friday.

Paul, once the Washington Times' top investigative reporter, is now a big time PR suit at Burson-Marsteller.  Why he intrigues me:  his bio reads "Probably the only Afghan/Texan/Greek Orthodox/Cuban Lutheran anyone ever will know."

David Boaz is so smart he scares the shit out of me.  He's the executive vice president of the Cato Institute in DC.  Scholar, author, coveted talk show talking head.  

Catch us live Friday December 17, 2010 10p-12 midnight Eastern.  Check out Jim's website for a station near you.  We're taking your questions and comments live!  I'll be on solo from 12 mid to 1a. 

What we'll be talking about:  the election, lame duck, economy, Afghan surge, North Korea nukes, Mexican drug war, the war over "don't touch my junk," the busted Russian illegals spy ring, WikiLeaks, Arizona immigration law, BP oil spill, Mideast peace, oil drilling, Chilean mine rescue, Haiti earthquake -- and more. 

Cable News Ratingzzz

Why is it that Larry King's numbers last Tuesday were better than this Tuesday -- his last week on CNN?  TVbytheNumbers

Chickaboomer fondly recalls Larry King's 2007 interview with nearly dead Tammy Faye Bakker: