"The black in him bought the Cadillac, and the Asian in him crashed it."

Wanda Sykes slams CNN for Linda Blair "Exorcist" head-swiveling coverage of Tiger Woods' car accident:

Matt Lauer Interviews WH Interlopers

Former Nordstrom cosmetics clerk Michaele Holt and once rich but broke hubby Tareq interviewed Tuesday a.m. December 1 by Matt Lauer.  NBC and the "Today" show didn't fork over a dime.  Supposedly.  B&C:  "Absolutely no money changed hands," said the spokesperson. "NBC News does not and will not pay for interviews, and this is no exception."

The White House uninvited guests announced they were taking "bids" from media and bailed on a Monday appearance on Larry King,

Michaele's really come up the DC society ladder after toiling for years at Nordstrom Tysons Corner, Virginia Chanel cosmetics counter.  A disclaimer:  I knew Michaele in the 1990s and 2000 before she broke her engagement to a Pennsylvania man named Eddie (nobody ever met him and wondered if she really was engaged) and met Mr. Moneybags Tareq Salahi.  She was my Chanel cosmetics saleswoman.  After a dispute with management, Michaele became a "roving" cosmetics girl at Nordstrom Tysons.

I'm surprised the media haven't unearthed Michaele's Nordtrom career....

GE To Pay $5.8 Bil To Buy Back 20% of NBC Universal

The Associated Press reports GE is about to buy Vivendi's 20 percent of NBC Universal paving the way for Comcast's takeover of NBC.

What took so long?  The sticking point was how much Vivendi's 20 percent was worth.  B&C quotes the Wall Street Journal tonight reporting the number is $5.8 bil.  GE had offered $5 bil.

Tiger Holes Up

Tiger Woods won't be exposing his balls tomorrow.  The injured golf legend won't be playing the Chevron golf thing in L.A. that raises money for his charities.  Will his absence affect the TV ratings?  The protective bark is being ripped off Woods - exposing his bully behavior, foul mouth, and club-throwing.

Sports Illustrated's Alan Shupnuck predicts Woods will be invisible until January's Torrey Pines tournament: "Even mired in a scandal, Woods will not go off-message, steadfastly protecting his vanilla, corporate image. It's a strategy that is either woefully naive or impressively dignified. Either way, Tiger doesn't care what is being said on Internet message boards or by the supposed crisis-management experts on cable TV. He's going to do things his way, as he always has."

An aside:  my private eye Joseph Culligan digs out the drivers licenses of Tiger and his supposed paramour Rachel Uchitel and finds they were born on the same day in 1975.  December 30th.

NYDN:  Tiger Woods Not Playing A Round
NYP:  Tiger Bags Tourney

Networks Juggle Prime Time Dance Cards

ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox TV juggle the skeds to accommodate Obama's Tuesday night prime time Afghanistan pimp.

Yes, Virginia, Fox broadcast stations will run it.  "So You Think You Can Dance?" will run after it.  In a telling move NBC is running another scripted show until 11p after the 8p Obama spin and dumping Jay Leno. TVBythenumbers

Deflower Nancy

If she's not flying Gulfstream jets on your dime, the posy poseur is spending nearly three grand on flowers and another $3,000 on bottled water.  House Speaker Nancy Pelosi spread around your taxpayer dough on that and more the past five months.

Huck Fucked

Mike Huckabee better keep his day job after that guy he let out of a life term in Ark when he was governor killed four police officers in Washington state over the weekend.  Even conservative bloggers are bashing the Fox News weekend show host and frequent talking head: 

Poll Turns Fickle Media Against Obama?

CNN "Reliable Sources" Howard Kurtz: "I've been trying to put my finger on what changed for President Obama this week. Why the media coverage turned sharply negative."

The media finally crawled out of Obama's colon.

Howard's blaming the latest Gallup poll for the abrupt end to the media's three-year Obama rolling orgasm: "The coverage has really headed south." 

Try this instead:  the Mainstream Media sucked in by Obama now realize there's no there there and their savior hasn't and won't live up to his hype.

My flaming liberal friend Bill Press: "Eleven months in, what has the Obama Administration delivered on?... The expectations were really unrealistic."

Howard: "Who raised the expectations?"

Bill: "We did."

The Huffington Post chose to ignore the above exchange and instead pimped Press's comment on Glenn Beck "you know you're hooking, but you're not cheap" Mary Landrieu shot.

Bill:  "I'm amazed at how much FOX lets Glenn Beck get away with. I think he is a ticking time bomb, and one day he's going to explode in the face of Roger Ailes, and they're going to be sorry they gave him that television show."

Howard: "Glenn Beck is in the gasbag business, like many of us."  

Why is it ultimate gasbags Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews escaped this discussion?

Tiger By The Tale

TMZ is not letting go of Tiger Woods.  Cops now want the surveillance tape of Tiger bolting the house in a rage and are going for a search warrant.  Listen to the 9-1-1 call.

Sources tell Radar Online Tiger and wife Elin had been arguing for a long time Thanksgiving Day and before he bolted at 2:30a Friday Tiger roared:  "You've ruined our Thanksgiving! Are you happy now?"

Great timing of this ad in today's Wall Street Journal.

Here's the latest photo of the woman Tiger's supposedly dicking around with.  Taken Sunday before Rachel Uchitel jetted to LA to meet with annoying chick lawyer Gloria Allred.

The Omen

Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck top Sarah Palin and Dick Cheney in a new poll on the king of conservatives.  #1 with a bullet Rush is way ahead of Glenn.  This just confirms what liberals have been blabbing all along:  Rush Limbaugh is the most influential face of the Republican Party. 

The Washington Post is positively orgasmic over ITS poll confirming nearly half of Limbaugh's dittoheads would vote for Sarah Palin. 

Who is missing in today's NYDN poll on "the scariest" anchors?  Headline:  "Bogeymen." Biased, wouldn't you say?  Where is the paranoid Keith Olbermann?  Katie Couric?

Add YOUR scariest candidates in the comment boxes...

Lehrer Leaves Lair

Did PBS throw NewsHour fixture Jim Lehrer under the bus?  On December 7 Pearl Harbor day PBS dumps Lehrer's name from the broadcast.  They've got to get rid of the old fart and get hip like with Facebook.  Lehrer's freaking 75.  Time to call it a day after 35 years.

Chris Matthews: Butt Head

Fox's "Family Guy" captured everything but Chris Matthews's spittle. Did he say "My foreskin, my rules?"  Uh, no, it's "My FOREHEAD, my rules."  Totally not funny.  Would've been funny had Chris shown some leg:

Michelle's Weak Chic

French Elle mag must hate Carla Bruni Sarkozy and/or French prez Nicolas..  The Paris fashion bible deems Michelle Obama's wardrobe trumps Carla's.  Read it in French keeping in mind what Chickaboomer's head joke writer Vinney dubs "Michelle's Michelin belt."

Here's the thing about best-dressed:  Style is 24/7.  One must be consistently chic.

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon

Tiger's sticking to his story in a Sunday statement: "This situation is my fault, and it's obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I'm human and I'm not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again.

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false."

It appears that Tiger has no intentions of talking with the police.  TMZ reports he canceled Sunday afternoon's meeting.  A TMZ poll shows 94% of those responding think he's hiding something.  The gossip website's sources claimed wife Elin scratched and whacked the golf legend with a club after the National Enquirer exposed Tiger's alleged affair with a NYC chick.

"She Lost Her Tittle"

I needed a good laugh. You too:

Deriding The Tiger

I haven't picked up the National Enquirer's Tiger Woods affair blockbuster issue - but I will. The Enquirer's website teases the story  with nuggets like Tiger's "sexting" slutty Rachel Uchitel:  "'What are you wearing? What do you want to do to me? What do you want me to do to you?'"

The Enquirer claims the source - a friend of Rachel's named Ashley - passed a lie detector test.  Anyone can pass a polygraph by taking Valium.

Rachel's clammed up since the news broke Friday of Tiger's car crash outside his house near Orlando (WFLD TV has photos).  She's hired celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred, denied even knowing Ashley (pictured left above with Rachel), and denied she's got Tiger by the tail. 

But the Enquirer asserts the tart with a penchant for married men met Tiger at a hotel in Australia last month.

Tiger's blowing off the crash as "minor" and is refusing to cooperate with local gendarmes. But as you can see from the photos the damage is not minor.  There are reports today that he was unconcious for "six minutes."

NYDN columnist Mike Lupica says nobody believes the sanitized story that Woods crashed into a tree in his driveway at 2:30 a.m. Friday and his wife rescued him by busting the rear window with one of Tiger's golf clubs. He should just come clean now, says Lupica.

If wife Elin went batshit in the wee small hours of the morning clawing his face and whacking him with a golf club over the newly published Enquirer expose, it is better to admit it.  NOW. 

I've said it time and time again, and I'll say it again:  tell the truth.  Just confess and be done with it.  The fickle media will fly like vultures to the next scandal.

Right now the powerful, influential, can't-touch-me Tiger Woods is acting like a paper tiger....

Related: Web of Deception Rachel Uchitel investigation

Barin'

"I was too busy giving [George W. Bush's future press secretary] Ari Fleischer a blow job in a... hotel room."  NYDN's Rush & Molloy on former Christian Coalition spox Lisa Baron's baring of head Ralph Reed and others sins in an unfinished book "Burning Bush:  A Political Memoir of Biblical Proportions."

The Atlanta freelance writer's husband Jimmy (above) and "ridiculously adorable" son Micah are already making plans to leave the country.  How schizo is Lisa to court mommies for Atlanta Parents mag and then pimp a book proposal ratting on Reed as a boozing pussy hound?

Maybe she wants to be on "Real Housewives of Atlanta"....

Separated At Birth: Tiger's Tail and Spitzer's Slut

Web of Deception's Joseph Culligan challenges you to guess which is which...

Sold or Not Sold?

Larry King gets stiffed by the money-grubbing Obama state dinner interlopers.  CNN cancels Monday's LKL extravaganza after Michaele and Tareq Salahi get greedy by trying to snare six figures from broadcast networks to pimp their cunning selves.  They're demanding "bids" from TV networks.

They may have gone too far in attempts to whore themselves to the media.  The Amerian Task Force On Palestine website has scrubbed Tareq from the board of directors.  But Web of Deception's Joe Culligan still finds evidence the prominent pro-Palestinian state mover-and-shaker was on the board. 

Former Nordstrom Tysons Corner, Virginia Chanel cosmetics counter girl Michaele (years at Nordstrom selling cosmetics missing on her resume) may have won a spot on Bravo's "Real Housewives of Washington" had she and her Arab husband not pulled this conniving caper.

Michaele broke her five-years or more engagement to "Eddie" from Pennsylvania to marry Tareq in 2002.

Tuesday's state dinner wasn't the first time the pair had been photographed with Obama.  This pix was snapped in May at a polo event. 

Tit For Tat

Nancy Pelosi was none too happy when Pulitzer Prize-winning Wash Post fashionista Robin Givhan asked her "who she was wearing" at Tuesday's state dinner.

Chickaboomer's head joke writer Vinney suggests the query could've been worse:  "She could have asked: 'Are those tits real?'"

Swede Revenge: Tiger Woods Sinks Hole In Wrong One

Who knew Tiger Woods's wife was a scratch golfer?  TMZ reports Elin Nordegren went batshit over reports of his affair with this NY woman Rachel Uchitel (who denies it), scratched his face, and whacked him with a golf club.

Here's their story and they're sticking to it:  Heroine Elin frees Woods from Cadillac Escalade by bashing the window with a golf club after Woods bolts the house around 2:30 a.m.Friday in a rage and crashes outside their Orlando mansion.

My lawyer friend Jason W. suggests "he should have used his driver, not his putter."

White House Gatecrashers

The WH reception gate-crashing wife with "Real Housewives of Washington" aspirations was a Chanel cosmetics counter girl at Nordstrom Tysons Corner, Virginia before marrying her Arab (Palestinian) husband in 2002.

Back then her name was Michaele Holt.  Michaele (prounounced Mik-hale) claimed to be engaged to a Pennsylvania guy named Eddie. Michaele, sporting a modest diamong ring, dodged questions on nuptials to the seemingly phantom fiance. To the best of my knowledge Michaele worked Nordstrom cosmetics from the mid-90s until maybe 2000.  Michaele also did some modeling.

I got to know her somewhat well after she became my go-to Chanel saleswoman.

Michaele was tall, alabaster, perfectly made up, and charming. 

It is almost impossible to fathom how they conned their way inside  the White House without clearance.  Guests are required to provide social security numbers and other identification prior to events.  At first I figured it was an NBC inside job to pimp the Bravo "Real Housewives" reality show when I heard the "Today" show spent the first eight minutes of Thanksgiving Day's show devoted to the security breach. 

Charm doesn't cut it with the Secret Service gatekeepers.  Guests are either on the list or not.  End of story.  If they're not, they don't get in.  Period. 

How did this unprecedented lapse happen?  Heads will roll for sure.  I hope this stunt and the ensuing rotten publicity persuades Bravo to excise Michaele from the list of housewife wannabes. 

Unfortunately bad behavior is rewarded these days.  I wouldn't be surprised if Michaele's new-found notoriety entices ratings-driven NBC's Bravo. She has a "fan" Facebook page where she unabashedly pimps for a "Today" show slot.

The con caper has already guaranteed intruders Michaele and Tareq Salahi a slot on Larry King.

Web of Deception's Joseph Culligan unearths Tareq's arrest for "abusive language," lawsuits, and his board membeship in a group called Americans Task Force on Palestine.  But I don't spy him on the current board of the pro-Palestinian group. Joe emails they took down his name already. I do know one board member:  Hani Masri. Swilled Cristal champagne at his swank DC manse years ago with his then-wife Cheryl.

Joe also uncovers a Virginia state warning about his charity.

Pardon My Turkey

Have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving!  Don't blow up the turkey like I did two years ago by not wearing my glasses when I put the bird in the oven.  Instead of bake I set it on broil for hours and it blew up like "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" when I cut into it....

THIS JUST IN!  Turkey Fails To Blow Up At Marty's! 

There's Something About Harry

TIME mag's "The Page" guy Mark Halperin is getting his head (not that one) handed to him for this smear on Louisiana Senator Mary Landreiu who sold her ObamaCare vote for $300 mil.  Unrepentant Mary blows off the "Louisiana Purchase" uproar over her yes vote quid pro quo that merely starts the debate on the Senate health care reform bill. 

Conservative talkers like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck blasted Landrieu as a whore, prostitute, hooker, fill-in-the-blank. But prominent conservative women like Michelle Malkin are having none of it.

I find the labels tasteless and deplorable. This retro male mudslinging simply exacerbates the sexual hate speech conservatives deplore coming from liberal media.  If you're into an eye-for-an-eye, you're loving it. 

In the end Landrieu may be hair today, gone tomorrow. 

But the media and others are missing the point.  Mary Landrieu may be the "whore" but Harry Reid is the pimp.  Why is it that the "johns" and pimps escape scrutiny while women are pilloried?  Why isn't the name-calling focused on Majority Pimp Harry Reid?  The pimp has the power, not the whore who does her master's bidding.

The larger issue:  Congress as an institution.  Horsetrading, vote buying, and padding bills with pork is so business as usual that only an act of God could change the political realities of Capitol Hill.

Related:  Mediaite "Mary Landrieu Being Bombarded By Metaphoric Semen"

Sesame Street Retreat

"Spill O'Reilly": "Welcome to the No Spew Zone... We grouches are totally unbiased.  We are fair and balanced. Completely non-partisan.... We can't stand anybody!  You all drive us crazy!"

Bill tells "Spill" he's aggressive and in his face: "You know who you remind me of? Barney Frank."

Chill, O'Reilly!  Sesame Street's caved to a mountain of complaints after Oscar the Grouch branded Fox "Pox News.  To tamp down the blowback Sesame Street whipped up news anchor "Spill O'Reilly."  Shrill "Spill" killed on Bill Tuesday night:

Livid With Ed

It all started out so civ-il-ized. The very proper Englishman Stuart Varney got into it with radical Green goon Ed Begley Jr. - star of "Living With Ed" - on global warming.  They lost me at 1:19 in:

CNN Sans Lou

The departed Lou Dobbs' CNN 7p time slot is down big time from when Lou was King.  If I were Jon Klein I'd find a gimmick to snare viewers.  Like a hologram... 

Pies Like Us

Intrigued by cutouts and wet work?   Your controller:  The CIA's updated 1997 cookbook  There's even a website!  Some of the 200 recipes have cunning names like Post-Soviet Thai Crab Cakes With Jam Sauce.  Easy to swallow!

I couldn't find the Yuri Nosenko Strawberry Stoli GRUel. Shaken, not stirred. Or the Vitaly Yurchenko Au Pied de Cochon Filet of Fishy Surprise.

You Don't Need A Weatherman To Know Which Way The Wind Blows

"A Night To Remember" gushes The Washington Post as 338 hotshots are spared the ill wind and rain in an elaborate tent built by the same Hollywood set designer who constructed Obama's elaborate acceptance speech Greek temple. (Just kidding.)

"Power By Day, Glamour By Night" gushes Politico.

The burning question:  what was Obama drinking?

On MSNBC's "Morning Joe" NBC's Savannah Guthrie gushed it was water. A few minutes later she corrected herself:  white wine. Guest dined on curried prawns and other delicacies.

Michelle is snapped mid-bite:

I give Michelle's gown an A+.  Nearly negates her frequently ghastly costumes with the omnipresent S&M belt.

Pawns For Prawns

Curry favor.  Media stars Brian Williams, NBC's parent company GE CEO Jeff Immelt, Katie Couric and boy toy Brooks Perlin, CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta among 338 guests at last night's Obama state dinner for India's prime minister.

Sanjay and wife.

Nancy Pelosi and hus

Steven Spielberg, Alfre Woodard, Blair Underwood

The Obamas

Sesame Street Makes Nice With "Spill O'Reilly"

On tonight’s The O’Reilly Factor, Bill O’Reilly will have on a couple of guests from Sesame Street: Spill O’Reilly, a new puppet, and Sherrie Westin, Executive Vice President of Sesame Workshop  (and married to ABC's David Westin).

Chickaboomer hears it’s a make good for their slighting of Fox News.

The reason why this is interesting is:  it was earlier this month when Sesame Street was on their 40th anniversary blitz and they ended up getting attention for something else – for what seemed to be a slight against Fox News by saying “Pox News” on the program.

Related:  PBS omsbudsmen:  Pox or Fox?  We Report, You Decide
A week later a more chastened PBS omsbudsman after tons of viewer complaints

The original sin:



I can already predict rival Keith Olbermann's reax:  Reactivating his puerile Puppet Theater starring "Shill O'Reilly."

The Obamas' Magic Carpet Ride

Woo-hoo! Check out Michelle's stunning shimmering gown by Indian-American designer Naeem Khan! Wow!  Politico covers the red carpet.

Watch State Dinner Live!

Politco's live-streaming the Obama state dinner starting at 9p here.  Huffington Post has aggregated Twitter tweets.  The most interesting so far comes from the Washington Post's Reliable Sources gossipistas reporting that David Geffen and his boyfriend have prime seats at Obama's table. See who else is breaking bread with Obama...

Obama State Dinner: The Vast Wasteland

Memo to Katie Couric - invited guest to tonight's state dinner:  Do not give into the urge to start movin'when Jennifer Hudson starts groovin'.  Uh, and no more than two glasses of wine...

Katie's on the list.  So is her 17-years-younger boy toy Brooks Perlin.  Payback for last night's ObamaCare mutilation of 'Twas The Night Before Christmas?  The takedown of Sarah Palin?  The rest of the guests here.s

Other media heavies:  NBC's Brian Williams (payback) and his Big Boss, GE CEO Jeff Immelt (payback); CNN's Sanjay Gupta (90% of the names on the list I cannot pronounce); Oprah's BFF Gayle King; ABC's Robin Roberts.  Hollywood Obama moneymen:  Spielberg, Katzenberg, Geffen; director M. Night Shymalan.

Deep pockets:  Chicago moneybags Penny Pritzker.

Repubs:  Colin Powell

Person I Thought Was Dead:  Newt Minow, former FCC chairman and the one who called TV "The Vast Wasteland" in a 1961 speech to the NAB in DC.  Minow's a big deal at a Chicago law firm.