Nancy With The Laughing Face

Tim Jicha South Florida Sun-Sentinel: Wonder why Nancy Grace continues to flog the Caylee Anthony tragedy night after night, proclaiming tidbits to be "bombshells"? It’s because it works. During January, according to Headline News, the self appointed judge and jury Grace outdrew media darling Keith Olbermann in the 25-54 demo that most cable news ad sales are based upon This was the second month in a row Grace beat Olbermann in this category... both months since the election. The margin is ridiculously slim, 487,000 viewers in the demo for Grace, 483,000 for Olbermann. But the story is that Grace is even close. You wouldn’t think it given the adoring press Olbermann gets.

The only Olbermann option? Threaten to commit suicide on the air like wacked-out TV commentator Howard "mad as hell" Beale (Peter Finch) in the 1976 movie "Network."

The plot: Like Olbermann, Howard struggles with depression and insanity but rather than give him the medical help he needs, the TV news network uses him as a tool for getting higher ratings. The image of Howard Beale, in a beige coat with his wet, gray hair plastered to his head, standing up during the middle of his newscast saying, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!" ranks as one of the most memorable scenes in film history. Howard is told in the very beginning of the film that he is going to be fired in two weeks. During his next news broadcast, he announces he is going to kill himself on the air in one week. This creates a media frenzy, and Howard is taken off the air immediately. He's allowed to anchor one more time to say goodbye to the audience. But when he goes on the air, he instead lets loose with a rant about the meaninglessness of life. This antic causes the program's ratings to skyrocket [like Olbermann's Special Comments] and they give him his own time slot to continue to go on these rants. The most famous of these is the "I'm as mad as hell" speech, in which he tells his viewers to "go to the window, open it, stick your heads out and yell, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore!'" We then see that people are following his instructions all over the country. The network continues to give him these time slots and exploit him. But in one fateful newscast he exposes business links between the corporation that owns the network and Saudi Arabia. The most powerful stockholder takes Howard into his room and gives a memorable speech about how Howard's vision of the world is inaccurate and that money is all that really matters anymore. Howard, in a parallel to his earlier epiphany, accepts this line of reasoning, and begins to express it on his show. His ratings begin to decline, as nobody wants to hear such depressing speeches. This eventually leads to the network's decision to assassinate Howard in the middle of his show, saying this would be a good way to kick off the upcoming season. (The killers are a terrorist group who are the subject of a hit primetime series on UBS, a prominent subplot in the movie.)Howard is shot and killed at the very beginning of one episode of his show, making him, according to the movie, "the first known instance of a man who was killed because he had lousy ratings."

Olbermann's documented bizarre behavior manifesting paranoid assassination delusions could be a self-fufilling prophecy.

What Women Want

To broadcast from TV sports booths like the Big Guys. [Photo: ESPN's Erin Andrews] "This is the most misogynist part of society," says one, wary of offending her bosses. "It's the last bastion of acceptable sexism." Another adds, "I truly believe you could put Pam Oliver [of Fox], Suzy Kolber [and] Michele Tafoya [of ESPN], Lesley Visser and Andrea Kremer in a booth and they'd completely hold their own. But they've never, ever been given a chance." In the unequal playing field that is TV sports, these women say, a physically unattractive man (say, John Madden or Howard Cosell) can thrive, but an unattractive woman has no chance. At the same time, while a female sportscaster of a certain age can kiss her TV career goodbye, a man of similar age is lauded for his maturity and experience. Paul Farhi Wash Post

But play-by-play is still out of bounds for babes stuck on the sidelines on Any Given Sunday. What do you think? Should sportsbabes be allowed in the booths? The way I see it the Girls Not Allowed is fan-driven. Heaven Can Wait?

CNN: Crass Commercialism News Network

CNN is pimping $15 T-shirts lauding the election of Barack Obama. "Some Of The Most Historic Shirts Money Can Buy" trumpets the headline on CNN.com. Fingered first by WebNewser, the shirt reads: "Obama raises hand, lifts a nation" - one of many CNN headline shirts shamelessly peddled in CNN's "store." [photo WebNewser]

Here's another: "Lovey-dovey first couple melts hearts." Who buys this crap? There are pages of headlines from which to choose. Not all Obama orgasmic. "Mom catches surprise twin in pants." "Stuff White People Like." "7-carat diamond ring flushed down toilet."

Hail To The Sheep at CNN (and NBC and MSNBC for pimping pro-Obama DVDs) for flushing journalistic objectivity.

You can even buy Anderson Cooper T-shirts that read "Get the story first-hand." The left hand. Anderson: "That's the hand I use, well, never mind." Simon & Garfunkel "A Simple Desultory Philippic." 1965 [listen here]

I'm going rogue in an unauthorized CNN T-shirt: "I blew Anderson Cooper and all I got was this lousy T-shirt." Men's sizes only...

Gold Diggers: A New Low In Super Bowl Ads

No farting Budweiser horse Super Bowl ad this year. No booby brain-bereft Jessica Simpson. This year it's buy my product. WSJ Cash4Gold forking over $3 mil a spot? Not the gold standard of Super Bowl commercials. If the economy still sucks next year, it'll be Billy Mays. The Cash4Gold spot starring the impecunious Ed McMahon and MC Hammer looks like a trailer for "Superfly 2":



NBC FINALLY sold the last two $3 mil a pop Super Bowl spots for a record take in the aggregate of $261 mil.

ABC Ya!

"You really are the best team in the business." Disney/ABC TV head Anne Sweeney in an email teaser alluding to job cuts - 200 people - from news to programming and 200 more jobs frozen.

This just tells me the rumors that comedian Jimmy Kimmel is usurping "Nightline's" 11:30p slot are true...

Cable Circlejerk

What does this tell you? The cable TV networks are stimulated watching the impotent, underdog, frightened Republicans shamed by Rush Limbaugh squirm on Obama's stimulus package.

ThinkProgress: From 6 AM on Monday to 4 PM on Wednesday, the networks have hosted Republican lawmakers 51 times and Democratic lawmakers only 24 times. Surprisingly, Fox News came the closest to offering balance, hosting 8 Republicans and 6 Democrats. CNN had only one Democrat compared to 7 Republicans.

Rod Blago's Next Car Is A Yugo

MSNBC "Morning Joe" kicks off at 6 a.m. with video of Illinois senators barking one-by-one "No!" with Frank Sinatra's "My Way" as the music bed. The Blago vote: unanimous.

What kills me is TV news stars are suddenly righteous - biting the mouth that fed them for days. Yesterday Mika Brzezinski admitted Blago is a "jerk and we're all jerks" for salivating over the corrupt creep.

But Monday morning Mika crowed over the airing, re-airing, and LIVE in-stu appearance by the "Today" show's Amy Robach who got the Blago "get" last weekend before he went on his NYC media blitz Monday.

It took like two minutes after Blago was impeached for the new regime to rip out the psychopath's photo and replace it with the new guy. Why can't the media let him go?

Why Bill O'Reilly's Taking His Pith Off Radio

Tom Taylor Radio Info: O’Reilly claims he just doesn’t have time for his lucrative daily radio show because he’s so busy on Fox News Channel with “The O’Reilly Factor.” But... what really has Bill’s attention are the plans for his own website and its premium membership, at $49.95 a year. Here’s the posting – “just a few of the key features we’ll be rolling out over the next few months – The Factor ‘post-game’ web show. Immediately after The Factor has wrapped up for the night, Bill will analyze and evaluate each show exclusively for Premium members.” That will be on-demand, for access any time. Then there’s this – “Expanded backstage conversation webcasts.” Bill currently does one of these a week but will expand that to three times weekly. That’s “three times as many opportunities to have your questions answered directly by Bill. Remember, Bill answers questions only from Premium Members.” There’s also exclusive on-demand access to the two daily “Talking Points Memo” shorts that Bill will supply to Westwood, and a searchable archive of Radio Factor shows back to 2005. Westwood’s then-CEO Joel Hollander put O’Reilly into radio syndication in the Spring of 2002 and he’s leaving at the end of February – but he’s seen the power of one-to-one contact on the web, and he loves the revenue possibilities.

Looks like O'Reilly's taking a page out of Rush Limbaugh's brilliant money-making marketing... Bill O'Reilly pen (above) $19.95...

If an obsessed fan bought one of everything in Bill's "store" - not counting books, memberships, and clearance items - the tab would be $984.20.

Chris Matthews: "Journalistic Hooker"

A Las Vegas radio talk show chick had no idea what she was getting into when she agreed to appear on MSNBC's David Shuster's "1600 Pennsylvania Avenue." Shuster blindsided her right out of the gate - demanding she "condemn" Fox's Bill O'Reilly after playing a Bill bite Shuster deemed outrageous. [Video via Johnny Dollar's Place]

Former CBS News correspondent now Fox News analyst Bernard Goldberg has invented a new term for Shuster and his ilk: "journalistic hooker." Goldberg's new book on how the media sucked up to Obama devotes a whole chapter to Obama orgasmic Chris Matthews's 18-month erection: "Chris Matthews, whatever else he may or may not be, is a journalist hooker who was putting out for Obama from the moment the senator showed some leg and decided to run for president of the United States." NewsBusters

Looks like maybe the MSNBC gremlins have altered Goldberg's Wikipedia entry. This morning Bernie's Wikipedia headline was the Keith Olbermann quote erroneously claiming CBS News had fired Bernie. Bernie was on Jim Bohannon's syndicated radio talk show Thursday night and Jim tells me Bernie was "steamed."

But the Google search now reads: Bernard Goldberg - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Keith Olbermann stated: "Bernard Goldberg. Former journalist. He has written a book in which he claims the media 'jumped the shark', and 'betrayed all of us.'

And this paragraph is still in: Goldberg’s book, A Slobbering Love Affair and Goldberg directly were both criticized on the January 27th, 2009 episode of Countdown with Keith Olbermann. Keith Olbermann accused Goldberg of doctoring a quote by Tom Brokaw with respect to Barack Obama's personal heroes. Given that the topic of the book is Goldberg's claims regarding media bias, Olbermann accused Goldberg of "journalistic malpractice", and awarded him that day’s title as "Worst Person in the World." [5]

CNN's Dirty Sanchez

"I thought [Rick] Sanchez embarrassed himself, but the whole thing was great for him. That’s the only time anyone has talked about his show outside of his show." Former McCain communications pit bull Michael "I pissed off the media" Goldfarb to CJR on how his on-air screw-up alluding to Obama's preacher Jeremiah Wright an anti-Semite without actually saying his name paid off big time in media buzz for CNN's Rick "Don't Tase Me Bro" Sanchez.

The biggest embarrassment for Goldfarb? Allowing himself to get nailed by a reporter who broke out of the pack by getting himself tasered on-air, jumping off a cruise ship to see what it's like when passengers fall off, and concocting other attention-grabbing, self-promoting reporter involvement stunts:

Sucks: Nip/Tuck

The TV sex and violence vigilantes are at it again, firing off a complaint about the plastic surgery show "Nip/Tuck" showing a woman giving herself a mastectomy with an electric knife in a doctor's waiting room. The group calls the show producers "narcissistic sociopaths" - the same description widely applied to the now-impeached Rod Blagojevich.

It's gross, stupid, and no woman would ever do it. Would "Nip/Tuck" show a guy doing a Texas Chain Saw Massacre on his cancerous balls? This show is full of serious pathology off-camera...

Rush To Republicans: Grow Some Balls!

Politico: A liberal group, will begin airing radio ads Friday in three states Obama won — Ohio, Pennsylvania and Nevada — with a tough question aimed at the GOP senators there: Will you side with Obama or Rush Limbaugh?“ Every Republican member of the House chose to take Rush Limbaugh’s advice,” says the narrator after playing the conservative talk radio giant’s declaration that he hopes Obama “fails.” “Every Republican voted with Limbaugh — and against creating 4 million new American jobs. We can understand why a extreme partisan like Rush Limbaugh wants President Obama’s Jobs program to fail — but the members of Congress elected to represent the citizens in their districts? That’s another matter. Now the Obama plan goes to the Senate, and the question is: Will our Senator"—here the ad is tailored by state to name George Voinovich in Ohio, Arlen Specter in Pennsylvania, and John Ensign in Nevada—"side with Rush Limbaugh too?” Asked to respond, Limbaugh had a message for his party. “Senate Republicans need to understand this is not about me,” he wrote in an email. “It is about them, about intimidating them, especially after the show of unity in House. It is about the 2010 and 2012 elections. This is an opportunity for Republicans to redefine themselves after a few years of wandering aimlessly looking for a ‘brand’ and identity.”

FCC Commish To Obama: Yes, You Can

FCC Commissioner Robert McDowell to Barack Obama: "End the speculation of whether something akin to the [Fairness] Doctrine will come back to life during his term."

The Republican McDowell (appointed by Bush 41): A stealth version of the doctrine may already be teed up at the FCC in the form of community advisory boards to help determine local programming. McDowell says he is fine with those boards if they are voluntary--some stations already seek such input. But that if they are required, as the FCC has proposed, "Would not such a policy be akin to re-imposition of the Doctrine, albeit under a different name and sales pitch?"McDowell also said that efforts to reimpose the doctrine could stretch to cable, satellite, and even the Internet.

Fox Rox

OBAMA BOOM AT FOXNEWS... RATINGS SOAR... NIGHT OF 1/28/09... [Source: Drudge]

FOXNEWS OREILLY 3,891,000
FOXNEWS HANNITY 3,034,000
FOXNEWS BECK 2,306,000
FOXNEWS SHEP 2,299,000
FOXNEWS GRETA 2,155,000
MSNBC OLBERMANN 1,581,000
CNN COOPER 1,559,000
CNN KING 1,420,000
CNN BLITZER 1,490,000
CNNHN GRACE 1,435,000
MSNBC MADDOW 1,398,000

Rush: Master Baiter

UPDATE: RUSH OFFERS TO MEET WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA: "I am prepared, ladies and gentlemen, to reach out to President Obama, to explain the bipartisan Obama-Limbaugh plan to him, to help bring the nation together under a true stimulus plan. I am willing to build a bridge from the EIB Network to the White House, because there is really only one bipartisan plan on the table, and it is mine."

Rush Limbaugh's economic stimulus package in today's Wall Street Journal. Any thoughts?

The conservative talker was grilled today by CNBC "International Superstar" Erin Burnett Transcript & vid), and feted by Fox & Friends Gretchen Carlson (Transcript & vid).

Bluster's Last Stand

"One for the annals of political flim-flam." Mark Whitaker, NBC News Washington bureau chief on psychotic Governor Rod Blagojevich's rambling performance this afternoon before the Illinois state Senate.

"Extraordinary political performance." Jonathan Alter, MSNBC talking head, noting that Blago joins a "national rogues gallery of convincing public officials who have been disgraced."

MSNBC talking head and Chicago newspaper guy Jim Warren: "An astonishingly disingenuous performance."

Blago "I'm clamoring, begging, pleading with you to bring in witnesses" proved in his nearly hour-long victim-a-thon, that he is certifiably narcissistic at best - and psychopathic at worst.

"Acquit me," he bleated, "or get more evidence."

Outrage and denial: Throwing him out sends "a dangerous precedent." Repeatedly referred to the impeachment as a "trial." (Blago's criminal trial is next.) "I'm not resigning now because I've done nothing wrong."

Poor me: "Imagine yourself walking in my shoes... and you know you didn't do it." "It's painful to be in a position like this. And lonely." Rahm Emanuel (Obama's WH chief of staff) is on the smoking gun tapes. Fire him! And while you're at it, John McCain and Teddy Kennedy.

Justification: "The people I've talked to, they were mostly sympathetic." Read: the media on his NYC spin tour.

The TV camera shot Blago from above. An unflattering angle that preventing him from making eye contact with the lens.

His defense was like Lenny Bruce free association shpritzing. He went from "clamoring, begging, and pleading" to an anecdote about when he was a new member of Congress and John Warner asked him for a cup of coffee - not realizing Blago was a congressman. A celebrity-fucking Blago, starry-eyed because he remembered Warner was married to Liz Taylor: "How do you take it?" and got him the coffee.

Blago glossed over the articles of impeachment. Nothing about his frequent shakedowns of people for campaign contributions.

The governor's office has been scrubbed clean of Blago. The impeachment vote is later today. The lieutenant guv already has his hand on the Bible...

Fox's Janice Dean the Baby Machine's kid vid:

Andrea Mitchell Gives Gay Guys Goosebumps

How did NBC's Andrea Mitchell get to be the Madonna, Bette Midler, and Judy Garland of gays? No question the aggressive Andrea has balls...

NYO outs Andrea's gay groupies: “I’ve always been more of an Eleanor Clit (whoops, typo! Clift) man myself,” said Adam, referring to the Newsweek writer and weekly McLaughlin Groupie. “There’s something to be said for gays and Sunday morning political talk shows, though.”

“I like her,” said Rick of Andrea. “She’s the Golden Girls rolled into one."

"Nightline" Hung Out To Dry?

ABC is thinking of dumping "Nightline" with comedian Jimmy Kimmel pitting the funnyman against Conan's "Tonight" show. Bill Carter NYT seems to have acquired the leak from disgrunted ABC newsies.

No Wire Hangers

Four out of five men agree with Dick Armey: Thank God you're not my wife. The former Repub House Majority Leader was on Chris Matthews's "Hardball" last night pitted against Salon stick-up-the-ass editor Mommie Dearest Joan Walsh. Subject: the stimulus package and the economy. Huffington Post huffs: "Dick Armey almost certainly crossed the line of acceptable banter."

Dick: "I'm so damn glad you can never be my wife because I surely wouldn't have to listen to that prattle from you every day." Dick's still a long way from trumping the ultimate powerful woman-hater - blowhard banterer Chris Matthews.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Blago Media Quote Of The Day

MSNBC's "Morning Joe" co-host Mika Brzezinski this a.m.: "This guy's a jerk and we're jerks for covering it... he's abusing us... I'm sorry the media's been sucked into it."

Ex post facto, eh? AFTER the Blago media feeding frenzy?

Glenn Beck: The Future Of Fox News

When conservative radio talker Glenn Beck showed up in the 5p slot on Fox News 10 days ago I was not impressed. I'd caught bits of Beck before proclaiming in this space that I wasn't "100 percent in love."

I have changed my mind. On the 10th day Beck rose again and I watched the whole program. Beck's producer has ditched the weird, awkward elevated shots that made Beck's head look huge. No more drawing stuff on his anchor desk at bad camera angles.

Beck's checked his ego at the studio door and is refreshingly watchable compared with his angry colleagues Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity. (Rival MSNBC tirelessly touts toxic twins - obnoxious ego-driven harsh blowhards Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann.)

Perhaps all cable TV news anchors should be required to attend 12-Step programs. Beck is candid about his alcohol addiction recovery, and it is evident he takes his recovery program seriously.

Beck is pointed without the point. There's no righteous anger. Beck's body language softens his message. His facial expressions say it all.

The best interview of psychopathic Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich? Glenn Beck. Part Deux yesterday: "You're either the most arrogant person I've ever met or you're telling the truth. I don't trust any of you people."

Bravo, Beck! Glenn's incredulous looks during that interview were worth the price of admission.

On the rumors Blago thought about Oprah for Obama's vacant Senate seat: "I don't give a crap about celebrity" after Blago ran through a laundry list of Oprah's "qualifications" that all boiled down to - celebrity. Incredibly Blago, accused of trying to sell Obama's seat, blurted Oprah "obviously can't be bought." Like him.

The steam was shooting out of Blago's unruly mop of hair. He was clearly uncomfortable with Beck's questions after getting the star-fucking celebrity treatment from the other TV talking heads during his whirlwind NYC media tour.

Blago (between clenched teeth): "I gotta tell you, you're very interesting."

The soon-to-be-jettisoned governor compared himself to Reagan and Roosevelt: "I admire the use of executive power to get things done." Read Iran-Contra.

Beck caught Blago off-guard: "Did you know you're in the Barack Obama Stimulus Package?"

Well, uh, no. Beck read him the bad news. If Rod Blagojevich isn't removed from office Illinois doesn't getting any stimulus dough.

Other interviewers have asked Blago if he's done anything illegal. Beck asked him if he's done anything unethical.

Blago (hesitating): "No."

Beck: "Why the hesitation?"

Blago: "I want to be fair to the question."

The embattled governor sprang to his feet after the interview right on camera. Beck: "He couldn't get out of that chair fast enough."

The show teased a young guy sitting in a black SUV outside Fox's studios. Beck had the driver gun the engine which was running all through the show. The shtick was a jab at Al Gore's testimony yesterday before a congressional committee on global warming amid a huge DC snow.

The kid had on a military green T-shirt that portrayed Al Gore as Che Guevara. I'm not sure if that element worked.

Glenn took a sly swipe at his former show on CNN Headline's audience that is nowhere near Fox News. As for his new gig on Fox: "People watch this one."

I'm not a big fan of Beck's radio show because he uses some annoying sound effects. But there's no question that Beck is supremely talented. I saw him perform at the NAB Radio Show in 2007. He was hilarious.

Beck's on-air performance is as edge-free as his shape. He's the Pillsbury Doughboy of cable TV news. You just want to poke him in the stomach.

It's only taken 10 days for Beck to work out the kinks in the show and his ego.

Glenn Beck is the future of Fox News.

Katie Couric Spanks The Media Monkey

Revealed: Katie Couric prancing in Sarah Palin's red Naughty Monkey pumps? The Dorothy shoes Palin wore at her VP debut sold for $2,025 on eBay. Naughty Monkey sells for under $100 like this ugly ass pair aptly named "Gold Digger." Somebody got screwed...

Just joking about Katie. She prefers Jimmy Choos, Manolos, and Louboutins. I just bought my first pair of Prada pumps!



Back to Katie. She pretends to not care whit about ratings. Or so she says to Wash Post TV critic Tom Shales. Somebody over at CBS News is obsessed about ratings. Katie should've bought those Sarah Palin pumps. It was Katie's interview with Palin that breathed new life into a sagging career that was about to be spiked.

Shales: If Couric stands a chance of elevating the newscast to second or first place in the nightly ratings, one reason may be that she's finally the right anchor for the times. The times they are a-changin', of course (change is in the air, in case you haven't heard) but the times they are also a-terrible -- economic catastrophe, renewed tension in the Mideast and terrorists still waving swords at the United States.Not simply because she is a woman, Couric has a warmer, more benevolent presence than her two competitors; she brought to the program nearly 16 years of goodwill from doing "Today" and becoming America's sweetheart, or very close to it. And that goodwill is still there.

Oh, Henry!

The House of Waxman set on fire Wednesday by Republicans successfully blocking the digital TV date move to June 12th. The Dems couldn't get the 2/3 majority.

California Congressman Henry Waxman - the new chairman of the powerful House Commerce Committee (Tecommunications subcommittee = FCC = Fairness Doctrine = Localism = Silencing Rush) .- and Obama stiffed big time.

Bipartisanship is a noble concept that doesn't exist in reality.

Rush Rules

Top 25 talk radio hosts. So sayeth NewsMax. Keep in mind NewsMax has a conservative bent. But then again, there are no successful liberal radio talk show hosts... Bill O'Reilly's #2 but he's bagging radio. Foul Tom "Blow Me Up" Leykis - with a penchant for women callers getting themselves off on the air - is #25. Cranky curmudgeon "Don Ho" Imus is #3 after O'Reilly. El Rushbo leads the list.


There's Room For One More...

Republicans Not Bi

Obama's attempt to walk through a White House window today after trying to get corporate giants to gang up on defiant Repubs an apt metaphor for his attempts to walk on water before top congressional Republicans who aren't buying his bi-partisan BS. Obama's so keen to get Republicans on board his stimulus package that he's invited some for a Grey Goosing with stiff drinks at the White House tonight!

Republicans have no intentions of bending over and taking it in the ass from Obama.

"The bill isn't worthy of the president's signature." One skeptic at today's House Repub leaders' news conference. The economic stimulus bill is like the 50s horror movie "The Blob" - growing exponentially up to $900 bil) as it rolls its way over congressional committees consuming vulture lobbyists' special interests.

"Are they risking being viewed as obstructionists given that Obama's being so nice, inviting them over for drinks?" MSNBC anchoress Norah O'Donnell 3:16p Tuesday. "Are Republicans so powerless they are essentially impotent?"

Rush Limbaugh in proclaiming the Obama honeymoon is over: If he can co-opt the Republicans -- if he can co-opt McConnell and a number of Republicans in the Senate to go along with him on this -- then when this blows up, they're on record with him as being responsible for it blowing up. It is why it's crucial that they hold out. Because Obama doesn't need a single Republican vote in the House to get what he wants, and he only needs a couple in the Senate -- and that couple is just to break cloture. It's all he needs. Two Republicans. Republicans have got to hold firm on this. They have got to hold out on this. Let Obama go alone like Clinton went alone in 1993. That's what Obama and the Democrats don't want to happen. They want the Republican Party co-opted under the term bipartisan, and they want conservative opposition relegated to what people are going to be led to believe is a fringe little band of people out there who we can barely see 'em, they're so small and they're so fringe.

Rush started his own petition drive today to counter the Democrats' drive against him.

Separated At Birth: George Stephanopoulos & Blago

It's the hair. Who looks like Blago? The New York Daily News doctors photos of actors for "Blago: The Movie."

Rush: Shush!

Democrats launch an on-line petition and YouTube video to muzzle Rush "I want Obama to fail" Limbaugh. [The back story here]



A Republican congressman tells the omnipotent Rush to shut his yap about wimpy congressional Republicans rolling over for Obama's stimulus package. UPDATE: The aforementioned congressman, realizing his folly, called Rush on the air today to apologize for "putting my foot in my mouth... I regret those stupid comments."

Amy Whinegrouse

Why did Fox & Friends book this shameless self-promoting hussy this a.m.? Amy Borkowsky's latest attention-getting ploy? Solicit contributions for what amounts to a $3 mil Super Bowl personal ad. Never-married (and I see why after watching her F&F shtick - she's annoying) "Runaway Bride" wide-eyed Amy is trolling for a husband and is luring suckers to contribute to her Super Bowl ad fund. Only six grand so far.

F&F failed to disclose that Amy is a professional comedian hawking CDs on her website, identifying the media whore as formerly "in advertising."

Fox News: an abject waste of precious air.

Maria Bartiromo: Sunshine Is The Best Disinfectant

Page Six: Maria Bartiromo scored the first post-axing interview with booted Merrill Lynch chief John Thain Monday - but CNBC's "Money Honey" kept viewers in the dark about the little business arrangement that may have helped it happen. Turns out she and Thain both pay public relations guru Ken Sunshine to represent them, and he apparently helped set up the exclusive. "It's a huge conflict of interest. It's incredible she didn't disclose this over the air, but she thinks she's above it all," one broadcast insider told Page Six. "And she was really kissing Thain's ass during the interview." Sunshine admitted to us he represents both Bartiromo and Thain, the latter having hired him just recently. "The relationship between John and Maria long precedes our relationship with him," Sunshine insisted. But he had no comment on whether he had a hand in lining up the interview. CNBC didn't get back to us.

Maybe CNBC's cozying up to Thain after Maria's colleague Charlie Gasparino fingered Thain for spending $1.2 mil on office furnishings - including an $87,000 rug.

12 Years & All I Got Was This Lousy Watch

Page Six Sightings: Alan Colmes showing friends at DaTommaso restaurant the Rolex watch given to him by Sean Hannity as a going-away gift after 12½ years on Fox News' "Hannity & Colmes".

Who's Alan Colmes? How quickly we forget...

Blago: "I consider myself the anti-Nixon."

Chatty Cathy psychopath Rod Blagojevich did not perform his dead-on Nixon impression on Rachel Maddow's MSNBC show Tuesday night: "All those conversations would be, in my judgment, ought to be heard so that everybody hears the right story. I consider myself the anti-Nixon. Remember, during Watergate, Richard Nixon fought every step of the way to keep his tapes from being heard." [Transcript]

Clever MSNBC's found a way to thump Rachel, claiming Blago stepped on his dick by "incriminating" himself on Her Air. BFD. There must be a pony in there somewhere...



I would've asked Blago about Chicago Mayor Richard Daley's assessment of him as "cuckoo." Why not interview a psychiatrist? Blago's hearing voices in his head telling him to take everyone down with him. Maddow failed to take him down in her interview. If Blago doesn't shut his yap, someone's gonna take him out...

I Slam

I couldn't go to sleep last night. Obsessed with President Barack Obama's naivete in giving his first big TV broadcast interview to an Arab television network in Dubai. If I were Glenn Beck, I'd characterize Obama's spin as "comparing in." It was embarrassing to watch our new president grovel. "Americans are not your enemy," he asserted, claiming his Muslim heritage.

Nice try, Obama. Yeah, the interviewer nodded his head in agreement but behind your back he's laughing his ass off. Does Obama really believe he can unravel decades-old hate of Great Satan America by assuring Muslims we're cool? By shutting Gitmo? EXT: The menancing clouds break and radiant sun baths the Middle East as millions of rival Muslims embrace the Word of Mohammed's miracle emissary, casting aside years of internecine war and fanatical anti-American indoctrination.



So I'm up uncharateristally late mulling Obama's dumb move (virtually unchallenged by the Mainstream Media). I turn on Jay Leno. It's a virtual cross-promotion of NBC shows. Some not-funny lame dude from the NBC show "The Office" gets an unheard-of two segments. Why? There's a Big New Episode following NBC's Sunday broadcast of the Super Bowl.

It's on to Conan and NBC's "Today" anchor Matt Lauer. I already know why Lauer is on: to pimp his LIVE! interview with President Barack Obama an hour before Super Bowl kick-off. Lauer waits until the very end to score his point.

Last night Leno and Conan were nothing more than vehicles to promote other NBC shows. Conan's already champing at the bit to slide into Jay's "Tonight" show chair. For February sweeps Conan promises a "best-of" woven into the 17 shows left.

I was so bummed I took two Benadryl and zonked out.

NBC's PETA Principle

As of Tuesday NBC has sold all but four of the 67 Super Bowl spots at $3 mil a crack.

But NBC, never one to turn down a buck, has told PETA to stick it's sick Super Bowl spot where the sun don't shine (along with the asparagus). PETA's pissed that NBC won't run the Why Vegetarians Are Better Lovers spot with nearly naked babes doing unspeakable (so says NBC) things to broccoli and asparagus spears, penis-shaped gourds - you get the picture.

Where are the cucumbers and corn on the cob? NYP: NBC pulled the plug on a PETA pro-veggie commercial planned for the Super Bowl because it "depicts a level of sexuality exceeding our standards."

The only thing exceeding NBC suits' standards is the size of the edible phalluses. They're threatened. If the chicks were half-naked booby babes (do boobs in previous Super Bowl spots exceed NBC's standards?) doing pole dances, NBC weenies would be ramming butter-saturated asparagus up their own tight asses to get the $3 mil.

'Veggie Love': PETA's Banned Super Bowl Ad

You might be interested to know that NBC programming executives are at the Mandalay Resort & Casino in Las Vegas for a NATPE (National Association of Television Programming Executives) conference this week ogling strippers and buying lap dances.

It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Obama and Congress: MAD. Mutually Assured Destruction. MAD mag's latest cover.

Who Framed Rod Blago?

Geraldo: The Blago impeachment charges are "a fraud." Watch the sexagenarian Fox News star go batshit on a Illinois House member on the Blago impeachment committee on Monday's Neil Cavuto. Neil could've taken a piss and not be missed:

FNC's Website Revamped

Fox News has retooled the website. Appears cleaner.

The Media & Obama: An Affair To Remember

Former CBS News correspondent and Fox News analyst Bernie Goldberg on FNC's "Hannity" Monday night pimping his new book "A Slobbering Love Affair: The True (and Pathetic Story of the Torrid Romance Between Barack Obama and the Mainstream Media".

The #1 Slobberer? ' MSNBC's Chris "Thrill Up My Leg" Matthews.

Bernie to Hannity: "This isn't a book about media bias. This book is about media activism." It's also not a book about Obama. Obama is excused for exploiting the media which Bernie claims functioned as "his base."

But why? "Barack Obama was young, cool, black, and he was liberal... This book would be funny if it weren't so serious."

Hannity turns to Obama's attacks on Rush Limbaugh and "the attacks against lil' ol' me."

Bernie deflates Hannity's huge ego (if I hear Hannity say "lil' ol' me" one more time on his show I'm going to take out my TV with my Taurus .38): "It's not about you or Rush. It's about conservative talk radio."

And off we go into what Hannity calls "The Censorship Doctrine" and Democrats Nancy Pelosi and other prominent Democrats' rumblings about reinventing the FCC's Fairness Doctrine to muzzle conservative talkers. I'd keep my eye on House Commerce Chairman Henry Waxman.

Pro-NBC/MSNBC TVNewser (Although I see they've gotten smart playing both sides by cozying up to Fox Biz babe Alexis Glick for a March media seminar - see the banner ad) quotes Bernie: "The mainstream media finally jumped the shark."

Goldberg: "If you wanted to just go to one place and say, "What is the worst place in the media landscape?", it would be MSNBC. Now, Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann are entitled to their liberal opinions. And I mean that — I'm not saying that with a smirk on my face....But NBC News — which runs MSNBC — was going to have these two partisan yahoos handle Election Night coverage. And the fact that they had those two, and Rachel Maddow, and liberal columnist Eugene Robinson of the Washington Post, anchor Inauguration coverage, tells me MSNBC cannot ever again be taken seriously as a news organization."

Lien On Me

Web of Deception's Joseph Culligan uncovers NBC's tax liens and judgments to the tune of thousands of dollars - some of which have been paid. This 2007 10 grand NY state tax lien is still outstanding.

The MS in MSNBC has racked up millions in tax liens owed to various states. Culligan claims Microsoft could pay them off easily with the $23 mil the company has lying around in cash.

I see NBC ripe for the plucking. Government bailout. State-controlled TV news. But why throw money at NBC and the farm team MSNBC when the two networks are to the Barack Obama administration what Pravda, Izvestia, and Itar-Tass are to Vladimir Putin...

"Obama's Tougher On Rush Than Hamas."

Quote to make you choke from comedian Jim Norton on Fox's Sean Hannity show Monday night.

Don't expect to see XM's "Opie & Anthony" sidekick on NBC's "Today" show. One of the hotshots Norton skewers in his new book "I Hate Your Guts" is "fatso" Al Roker...

Hot Rod

Shame on ratings-greedy TV news for giving psychopathic Blago a forum for his narcissistic, grandiose, delusional freak show. The bizarre, beleagued Illinois governor appeared on NBC's weekend "Today" show, then on Monday, was welcomed to ABC's "Good Morning America" and "The View." FNC's Geraldo Rivera later nailed Blago in an outside interview which was predictably promoted big time on Fox News. "Access Hollywood." "Nightline." Sandwiched between? Larry King where Blago left Larry tongue-tied after asking him how he'd feel if his private phone calls were tapped. Can you say phone sex? Larry reportedly rang up Blago's wife after the show growling "What are you wearing?"

"Larry King's an idiot," proclaimed MSNBC's "Morning Joe" on-air wife Mika Brzezinski at 6:10 a.m. today (Tuesday).

Correction: You're ALL fucking idiots.

Monday MSNBC trotted out "Weekend Today" hostess Amy Robach who scored the Blago sitdown. Robach appeared on MSNBC's "Morning Joe" with this notable quote: "The hair is very important and it is his. I got a good look at it."

Blago. Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Noteworthy that Blago hired the same PR pimp as suspected Chicago wife-killer psychopath Drew Peterson to wrangle his media blitz.

Like any true psychopath, Blagojevich believes he's the victim. The victims here are the hapless TV viewers forced to endure the media's obsession with "gets" no matter how disgusting the "get" gets.

Perhaps TV news is getting back at the political hacks who lie daily with impunity by showcasing a political hack as believable as O.J. Simpson, Ted Bundy, and the Unabomber.

The only news Ms. Robach broke: Chicago's WLS radio "offered Blago a talk show." Do they allow radio remotes in Club Fed?

The best Blago banter came from comedian and "The View" co-host Joy Behar. Behar blindsided Blago by asking him to do his killer Nixon impression which he refused:

Rush To Obama: Stick It

Tom Taylor Radio Info: Obama vs. Talk Radio? Barack Obama’s already challenging Rush Limbaugh by name. A tricky game – and one that Rush probably can’t lose at. He’s getting that “made you look!” kind of attention that he and his base dearly love. While new President Obama will have to do this very delicately, to make it clear to most Americans that he’s talking about Limbaugh’s old-style partisanship and its receding relevance. Otherwise – Obama could get mired in the same-old “vast right-wing conspiracy” riff that made Hillary Clinton an object of hilarity among movement conservatives. But Obama’s clearly thought about it and on his third full day in office he advised Republicans that they “can’t just listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done” with the new administration. Of course Rush doesn’t want to “get along” – he wants to throw rocks at the White House.

Rush's response to Obama over the weekend in the conservative National Review? It's a diversion. "There are two things going on here. One prong of the Great Unifier's plan is to isolate elected Republicans from their voters and supporters by making the argument about me and not about his plan." [Obama's economic stimulus package]

So, Obama, stick Rush's cigar where the sun don't shine - where MSNBC has taken up permanent residence.

Kristal Not

No shock. Kranky Konservative Fox News Kontributor Bill Kristol kisses off his short-lived New York Times column. The New York Times announced with much fanfare Kristol's new column that started January 7, 2008. Today Kristol's bailout rated a mere footnote at the end of his last column Monday - This is Bill Kristol's last column.

Kristol's NYT swan song issues this challenge: "Can Obama reshape liberalism to be, as it was under F.D.R., a fighting faith, unapologetically patriotic and strong in the defense of liberty? That would be a service to our country."

Can Obama do for liberalism what Ronald Reagan did for conservatism? What do you think?

David Gregory: MSNBC Pro-Obama Bias Not "Systemic"

B & C's Marisa Guthrie's Q & A with the new king of "Meet The Press" David Gregory:

Guthrie: "Do you think the "in the tank" criticism that was leveled at MSNBC was fair? And do you think the image of the network has been resuscitated post-election?"

Gregory: "We have opinionated people on MSNBC in that role in primetime. I don't think that is a systemic point of view. NBC News as an organization is not influenced by those passionate, opinionated people that we have on the air. Generally speaking people try to ascribe motives to particularly the political press. They reach these judgments through their own ideological prism. We're doing what we need to do."

"Passionate." "Opinionated." Lifted right out of MSNBC prez Phil Griffin's spin machine...

Even liberal Washington Post media maven and CNN "Reliable Sources" host Howard Kurtz isn't buying the BS. "MSNBC denies that it has moved to the left, and I think the evidence is pretty strong." [that it has] NewsBusters

Fox News isn't letting up taking shots at rival MSNBC. Anchor Jon Scott's "FoxWatch" offers some unsolicited advice to Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, and NBC News star Brian Williams. To Matthews: "See a doctor about that tingle up your leg." To Olbermann: "Try to hang on to that gig you got becuase you're running out of places to work." And, if you want to sit in for David Gregory on MTP, "learn to be tough but fair." To Brian Williams: "Hire a food taster before you sample any gift from Olbermann." [Finkelblog video]

Matt Lauer Meets Obama's Stimulus Package

NBC's cross-promotion of the Super Bowl lands Matt Lauer an EXCLUSIVE! interview with Barack Obama. TV Week Shocking, eh? Matt, smarting from Katie Couric purloining his EXCLUSIVE! interview with Hudson Hero pilot Sully, exposes himself to millions of viewers during Sunday's NBC pre-game pimp.

Who's hunkier? Germaphobe Matt might consider waxing like Obama. There could be nest of cooties breeding in that chest rug...

Anderson Cooper Hides The Salami

Page Six: "Anderson Cooper deplaning the shuttle in DC and waiting patiently for an attractive Hispanic man who had sat in the back of the plane while Cooper sat in the front."

Going Like Sixty

Chickaboomer blows (a candle):

Mercurial Media

Clayton Morris on Fox & Friends Sunday just blamed this a.m.'s "technical problems" on "Mercury retrograde."

Mercury retrograde, you implore? If you believe in astrology, you'll buy that the planet Mercury rules communications and during a retrograde Mercury (which happens three times a year for three weeks to a month when the planet appears to be moving in reverse), seemingly unexplained screw-ups are rampant. More here.

This has to be the first TV talking head fingering astrology as the culprit for on-air blunders.

Mercury retrograde had no influence on Fox's Janice Dean "The Weather Machine" as she popped out her first child - a boy - Saturday a.m. Forecast: Squall line ahead...

Pinch To Grow An Inch

His nose, anyway, for not publishing reporter exchanges with NY guv David Paterson about Caroline Kennedy's much-rumored affair with the New York Times publisher. That would be Arthur "Pinch" Sulzberger Jr. (left) who separated from his wife of 33 years last May.

Gawker December 21, 2008: It seems like a mostly legitimate question to ask, doesn't it? Whether or not they're having sexy sexy old rich scion sex, the special friendship between Sulzberger and Kennedy is well-documented. And when the publisher of your paper is BFF with a public figure, asking whether that friendship affects coverage of that public figure is certainly fair game.But no, no comments allowed asking about the affair. When this guy tried, the City Room editors asked him to please not bring it up again. "we don't report stuff like this, regardless of the people involved." Stuff like... what? The Times certainly does report on the sexual lives of public figures, all the damn time, from Giuliani to Spitzer to Paterson. But reporting on the Sulzbergers not so much.

And who can forget that NYT front page above-the-fold thinly-sourced piece on John McCain's alleged affair with Washington lobbyist Vicki Iseman (who has filed a $100 mil defamation suit against the NYT).

Gawker noted on December 6th that the Caroline/Sulzberger affair was pretty much out in the open last summer.

So how did the NYT handle Governor Paterson's selection of Someone Not Caroline? The paper attacked Paterson.

The "underwhelmed" Paterson camp claimed "Sweet Caroline" is really a bitch with nanny, tax, and marital issues. The guv's decision to pick a one-term upstate congresswoman to replace Hillary was viewed as a foolish snub of ex-Clintonite Andrew Cuomo - NY attorney general and ex-husband of RFK's daughter Kerry who apparently had his share of affairs before Kerry dumped him for someone else.

Fucking around doesn't disqualify politicians. To wit: Bill Clinton. The good New York guv himself caught screwing around in a C-List motel with a state employee. Same with nannies and taxes. Caroline's marriage has been dead and buried for some time. And everyone who's anyone knows it.

My theory. Paterson was under immense pressure from the Clintons to not appoint Caroline. The Clintons detest the Kennedys for hitching their wagon to Obama's star - propelling him into the White House. The Clinton scorched earth machine wasted no time spewing forth unattributed and surrogate-sourced negative spin on Caroline's lack of qualifications the moment her name surfaced as a possible Hillary replacement. As is their custom the Clintons denied stirring the pot but for good PR measure, Hillary publicly called off her dogs.

Paterson, pissed at Hillary's (and Bill's) blinding browbeating to pick Clintonite Andrew Cuomo (who mounted his own media campaign) amid an avalanche of bad Caroline pub leaked by the Clintons and later Paterson (the Kennedys are reportedly "apoplectic," claiming Paterson told Caroline to "lie" about why she was dropping out), got even by picking the unknown babe leaving it up to the contenders to duke it out in 2010's special election.

Paterson's dicey game of Blind Man's Bluff backfired...

As for all the leaks about Caroline's "issues," I faintly hear the Bill Clinton semen-sticky gumshoes of odious Terry Lenzer - the Clintons' sleazy private dick who dug up dirt on Bill's babes to neutralize them during the Gennifer Flowers/Paula Jones/Monica Lewinsky sex scandals.

As for Mainstream Media hypocrisy in not reporting the Caroline affair rumors, here's MSNBC's Chris Matthews sidestepping a talking head who brought up the issue on "Hardball" citing blogger sources. "Let's stick to journalism. I don't do that here. If it's just blogging let's drop it."

But Matthews had a 36-hour erection when the NYT ran the front page thing about McCain and the lobbyist.

Isn't Chris's MSNBC colleague Keith Olbermann a revered blogger (legitimized by the blessing of MSNBC prez Phil Griffin) on the liberal Daily Kos?

Media Entrenched In Obama's Tunnel Of Love

"Embedded reporters" were unwitting tools of the Pentagon to spin Iraq war coverage. Stick a reporter in the trenches along with the fighting grunts and program what they experience.

I've resurrected the term "embedded reporters" to frame the the media in the New Age of Obama. Not all are buying into the Obama media BS. Veteran CBS News WH correspondent Bill "I'm not a potted" Plante went AWOL at a WH press briefing a couple of days after Obama was inaugurated. New head press flack Brother Gibbs' virgin performance rivaling George Bush's exit popularity.

But the likes of MSNBC's callow Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow are now permanently embedded in the fecund trenches of Barack Obama's colon snake coil as the war between MSNBC and Fox News escalates. [video Johnny Dollar's Place] Fox's John Gibson returns verbal fire at an emboldened Keith Olbermann deep inside Obama's tunnel of love Green Zone:

Anderson Cooper A.U.I. - Anchoring Under The Influence

Anderson Cooper charged with A.U.I. - anchoring under the influence. The CNN star has balls to analyze Barack Obama's Inaugural ball stumbles while stumbling over his thick drunk tongue.



Recall the outrage in 1983 when now long-dead NBC News Golden Girl anchoress Jessica Savitch went on the air high on God knows what?

Katie Couric Sullies Matt Lauer

Diabolical Katie Couric snatches Matt Lauer's promised "Today" show interview with pilot hero "Sully" Sullenberger. Katie's "get" airs February 8th on "60 Minutes." Sullen is stiffed sans Sully Lauer.

NYT: Pussy Galore. Thinking Outside The Box

What do Chris Matthews, Sean Hannity, Keith Olbermann, Bill O'Reilly, Rachel Maddow, Greta Van Susteren, Matt Lauer, Katie Couric, Diane Sawyer, Ann Curry, Fox newbie Glenn Beck, Joe Biden, Rahm Emanuel, CNN's Jon Klein, Wolf Blitzer, Jim Cramer, Lou Dobbs - and a Cecil B. DeMille cast of media and political stars have in common with bobono apes? " Bonobos don’t seem to make much noise in sex, though the females give a kind of pleasure grin and make chirpy sounds."

CB's Executive Summary of Sunday's NYT mag cover story on female orgasms: Anything and everything makes chicks hit the high notes while the male brain (the one above the neck) thinks inside the box.

Dan Abrams: The Schlong and Grinding Toad

I've finally narrowed down the only explanation for the inexplicable success of Hollywood chick magnet MSNBC's dweeby Dan "What A Revelation!" Abrams: a Frank Sinatra supersized schlong.

I wonder if Dan has to have special custom underwear made to house his hose like Ol' Blue Eyes...

Dan's latest? Oscar-winning actress Renee Zellweger. The only news Dan makes these days is in the gossip pages. Sports Illustrated swimsuit babe Elle Macpherson fell victim to Dan's well-hidden charms.

Larry King: Royally Flushed

Someone should warn Larry King's eight-year-old son, Cannon, that once you go black, you never go back.

The loose Cannon tells loose lips Larry he wishes he were black. "Black is in," the envious kid says.

Larry may wish he were black instead of a preternaturally pale Jew. The 75-year-old CNN host is one of sociopath Bernie Madoff's victims. Madoff preyed on Jews at the Palm Beach Country Club and monied Jews everywhere. The former Nasdaq chairman screwed Larry out of more than a million bucks. Maybe that's why the Madoff scandal hasn't made Larry's CNN show hit parade. Larry's favorite Sinatra song mirrors his financial escapades: "All Or Nothing At All."

Paybacks are hell. More than thirty years ago then-radio talker Larry was chased out of Miami for stiffing people (probably loan sharks) out of thousands of dollars. Larry's vice? Gambling. Larry later filed for bankruptcy. He once told me he owed like $350,000. One of his long-suffering wives, the lovely Sharon, got him on the financial straight and narrow. Then he dumped her for some blonde babe in Philadelphia he was married to for like five minutes. Those he screwed are still pissed.

Larry's gambling vice resumed in DC where he and old Jewish farts such as now-deceased restauranteur Duke Zeibert chartered buses to Atlantic City. In poker parlance, stiffed Larry is "on tilt."

Michelle Obama Pulls A Train

Not in the college frat boy gangbang sense. Her Inaugural gown train. The new First Lady was nervously yanking at that train all night. Who the hell advised her to wear a frock with a tail?

Cable Tee Vee Talking Heads were doing the old Dick Clark "American Bandstand" thing rating Barack's dancing skills. Somewhere between his basketball and bowling, smirked Fox's Shep Smith, admitting he doesn't dance. (There's a back story in there somewhere.) I'd give it a 90...

Michelle was the happy Little Engine That Could, puffing "Yes, I can!" as Big Engine Obama swerved to avoid her oncoming train mumbling "I thought I could." The Obamas needed a Little Blue Engine to save the day.

Yes, we will! Yes, we can! I was humming the Obama theme song "At Last" when the new president finally got the hang of it (pun intended) and tripped the light fantastic without tripping over Michelle's train (Michelle had a few close calls herself).

Fox News anchordude Chris Wallace got the frothy white chiffon single shoulder concotion's designer wrong, confidently declaring it Narciso Rodriguez, assuming on the air that "Mrs. Wallace" knows these things. The second Mrs. Wallace should know these things. Her previous husband was comedian Dick Smothers. Lorraine (isn't that Wallace's mother's name?) was living in McLean, Virginia under Lorraine Martin when she hooked up with then-young Chris. I digress. Minutes earlier MSNBC's Keith Olbermann finally got something right. Jason Wu. 26. NYC. Taiwanese. I would've guessed Narciso after that red-and-black acid reflux rag Michelle donned for Obama's nomination speech.

Wash Post Pulitzer Prize-winning fashion guru Robin Givhan predictably proclaims Michelle a fashion superstar with that Kool-Aid yellow brocade Isabel Toledo swearing-in ensemble I swear I still have stored somewhere in pink from a 10th grade dance, Jimmy Choo shoes, "The Exorcist" puke green leather gloves, the Jason Wu ugly ass white cotton candy gown, and the rest of the new First Lady's Inaugural wardrobe. I wanted to vacuum off those chiffon puffs that dotted the dress. And Jill Biden's red strapless matched the formerly telltale irrigation ditch sides of Joe Biden's freshly Botoxed forehead.

There's speculation Obama was wearing a "bullet-resistant" swearing-in suit. He could've saved taxpayers thousands of dollars with bullet-proof Isabel Toledo brocade...

I didn't watch much of the Inaugural festivities; I was too busy vacuuming. Perhaps I'm just a jaded, bitchy ex-Washington political and media insider. Been to swearings-in (VIP not steerage). Inaugural balls. They're a drag. Dresses drag on floors sticky with spilled drinks. Plastic cups. Masses of drunk humanity. About as elite as a packed subway train.

What TV coverage I happened to see was what I expected from each network. Fox News coverage was personality-driven. NBC and MSNBC pitched tents north of Obama's rectum. I loved Tom Brokaw's smug, shocking comment Tuesday on MSNBC. Something like he covered the race riots in the 1960s, LA's Watts riots, met a lot of racist rednecks (yeah, he actually used the word "rednecks"), and Obama was payback time. I'll get the quote...

NBC's Andrea "Boom-Boom" Mitchell assumed her usual Inaugural parade position standing in a flatbed truck rolling right ahead of the Presidential limousine. I was praying the diminutive Divine Miss M would fall off.

I'll return Monday. An aside: Caught a bit of Glenn Beck's new show that debuted January 19th on Fox. I'm not 100 percent in love...

Sheath Your Wands, Warlocks! I'm Off On My Broom!

Unless something absolutely fantastic and too delicious to pass up comes along between now and January 20th, I'm checking out of CB and into a spa in Palm Springs, CA. I'm going cold turkey: No TV news, Internet, email. No Hairy Reed-- wait, that's Harry Reid. Nothing.

Your rhymes with witch will be back - tanned, rested, and ready - on Inauguration Day! I'll miss you big time but I need a break from all the bull shit while chickaboomer.com is retooled into a kick ass website.

Leon Panetta's Penny Stock

Remember Hillary's corrupt cattle futures deal where her $1,000 investment magically morphed into a $100,000 profit? Here's Bill Clinton WH hack and Obama's pick to head the CIA Leon Panetta's fabulous return on 7,500 shares of stock costing him a penny each and worth $17.50 a share a mere seven months later. Joseph Culligan Web of Deception

A little insider trading, eh?

Obama's Surgical Strike

CNN's in-house doc - Sanjay Gupta -paying a permanent house call to Barack Obama as the new Surgeon General. Wash Post NYT front page Wash Times

Joe Scarborough on MSNBC's "Morning Joe" just after 6 Wednesday a.m.: "That's the funniest thing I've ever heard."

TV wife Mika tried and failed to get him to shut his yap.

6:21: Joe: "Greta Van Susteren for Attorney General."

Baier Aspiration

You gotta love Brit Hume successor Bret Baier for admitting his Albert Brooks "Broadcast News" moment - when, in 2007, he first sat in for Brit Hume on Fox News "Special Report."

"My palms were sweating. They had to call in the makeup lady five times. It was a bit of Albert Brooks. I was definitely feeling the pressure." Howard Kurtz Wash Post

For those who don't remember Brooks's on-air anchor meltdown in the 1987 movie, here it is: