Scarlet Letterman

Best headline:  Laid Nights With David Letterman NYP

Best Leno joke: "I was once the victim of a plot. How do you think I wound up at 10 p.m.?"

Best late night jokes:  ""There's a new book out called "Why Women Have Sex" that says there are 237 reasons why women have sex. And folks, Letterman knows the top 10." Jimmy Fallon NBC

“I’ve never had sex with members of my staff — the guests, yes, of course, but not the staff.” “Hey, next to Roman Polanski and Mackenzie Phillips’ dad, I think Dave looks pretty good.” Bill Maher

"No comment."  Conan

Knowing what was coming down Letterman had taped his Friday show Thursday.  Letterman's on-air revelation was flat-out bizarre.  The NYDN had body language experts analyze Dave's every move.  "Dave played a nifty round of bait-and-switch."  David Hinckley NYDN

The drama began before dawn September 9th when Letterman found the one-page extortion letter someone apparently had slipped inside his limo.

The perp, 57-year-old CBS "48 Hours" producer Robert "Joe" Halderman pleaded not guilty to one court of felony larceny and got out on 200 grand bond.  The Emmy award-winning producer was awash in debt from child support and live-in girlfriend Stephanie Birkitt who left him last month before he hatched his Letterman extortion plot.  The 30-year CBS veterman making over $211,000 a year, knew about Birkitt and Letterman but after she moved out from Halderman's Norwalk, Connecticut abode (right)  he found the smoking gun:  her steamy diary.

Upon hearing the news former CBS Evening News anchor came up with a "Ratherism" for the occasion: “Frankly, I couldn’t be more astonished that this guy was involved in something like this than if you came riding through my apartment on a hippopotamus,”

Letterman, 62, was boinking the 18-years-younger Stephanie while boinking his now-wife Regina Lasko, 48, a former "Late night" writer and mother of Letterman's son, Harry.  Letterman married Regina after putting her off 23 years.

An ex-Letterman staffer told PEOPLE mag another woman - not an intern had a fling with the boss before Stephanie showed up in 1996.  There's got to be more. This guy's got a pattern. 

Related:  "Letterman is the target of kind of jokes he tells" NPR

Here's the obvious deal with Letterman:  he's the pot calling the kettle black.  The verbally abusive sexual jokes he made about Sarah Palin's underage daughter were beyond the pale.  Perhaps Letterman's hypocrisy will fire up the Fire David Letterman movement that formed after the Palin daughter outrage.

Will CBS fire Dave?  Not on your life.  The bottom line is the bottom line-  and he's creaming Conan. Richard Huff NYDN

"Every time he cracks one of those jokes," says former CBS and NBC producer Steve Friedman, "you'll look at him in a different way, won't you?"  Wash Post Howard Kurtz "Will Stupid Human Tricks Turn Off Letterman's Fans?"

NYT's TV Decoder ponders:  what constitutes sexual harassment?
Well, fuck, you don't know?  Unwanted sexual overtures.  "

Abuse of power over employees," wonders Bill Carter, NYT TV guru and author of "The Late Shift" which chronicles the battle between Leno and Letterman to succeed Johnny Carson.

NYDN:  Halderman Pals Shocked