Thursday, October 29, 2009

CNN: The Most Busted Name In News


Andrew Klavan of Pajamas Media has come up with some new slogans for now-fourth place CNN:

CNN: We Report, You Turn On Fox News To Find Out What Really Happened

CNN: Where Glenn Beck Used To Work

CNN: The Most Trusted Name In Sniggering Denigrations of Normal Americans

CNN: Because No News Is Good News

CNN: The President Likes Us; He Really, Really Likes Us


CNN: Where You Get All The Rush Limbaugh Quotes You Won’t Get From Rush

CNN: Saturday Night Live Fears Us!

CNN: No, Really. We Used To Have Glenn Beck.

CNN: When The President’s A Hologram, Shouldn’t The People Who Cover Him Be Holograms Too?

Yes, We CNN!  (For those of you in Rio Lindo:   Yes, We See An End.)

Your turn....
at 10:14 AM
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67 comments:

  1. CNN: Given our likely future, it's fitting that we use Darth Vader's voice.
    -0-
    CNN: If Larry King dies, we'll just prop him up and hire Dana Carvey as voiceover.
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    CNN: The only place Katie Couric could go and have fewer viewers.
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    CNN: If nothing else works, Campbell Brown goes topless.

    ReplyDelete

  2. CNN: No really, we once had Chickaboomer.

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  3. CNN: Fox reports, we decide.

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  4. CNN: Where else can you see Christiane Amanpour?

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  5. If Campbell topless doesn't do it for you, I am sure Christiane will.

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  6. Jimbo, Larry King HAS been dead for three years already. Everyone thought the fan under his desk was for his farts, it is really to get rid of the smell of decomposition.

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  7. CNN: WHen MSNBC just won't do.

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  8. CNN: Take a break from QVC.

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  9. CNN: Better then the swine flu.

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  10. CNN: At least we don't have Obermann.

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  11. CNN: If Michael Jackson was alive he would be watching Larry King (if he was alive).

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  12. CNN: We will bring back Ross Peroit if we have to.

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  13. CNN: Be the first viewer to post a comment... (this was posted 2001)

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  14. CNN: Watch what all the coroners watch.

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  15. CNN: Live, Friday - see Larry's autopsy. (its not even sweeps week)

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  16. CNN: Where the funerals are.

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  17. CNN: Funerals are us.

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  18. CNN: For the cryptkicker in you.

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  19. CNN: Live from the netherworld - Larry King interviews Billy Mays.

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  20. CNN; Lou Dobbs - the other white meat.

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  21. CNN: Anderson Cooper - the other white meat.

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  22. CNN: Yes, we have no morning show.

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  23. CNN: When infomercials just won't do.

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  24. CNN: Where we always have a countdown clock running.

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  25. CNN: We just don't give a $h!t anymore - and Anderson Cooper is not commenting on his sexuality (as he spends a luxury vacation with a man-friend in the Far East).


    By the way, these quotes remind me of something Letterman did on a top ten back when he was funny (years and years and years ago):

    Top Ten slogans for Delta Airlines:

    Delta - Your kids will love our slides!

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  26. CNN - The Jon & Kate plus 8 of hard news...

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  27. CNN -MSNBC doesn't even fear us!
    CNN - Where we report the news last, or not at all
    CNN - What news?
    CNN - If We Cease to Exist, Would Anyone Notice
    CNN - Um, we use to matter
    CNN - It Can't Get Any Worse Than This

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  28. http://youhavetobethistalltogoonthisride.blogspot.com/2009/10/gratuitous-reposting-of-imus-rant.html

    Gratuitous Re posting of Imus Rant on his critics who call him a sell out for signing with Fox Business News...includes dig at Maureen Dowd...who Imus is fond of.

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  29. CNN: No news none of the time

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  30. CNN: Walter Cronkite we ain't

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  31. CNN: Almost as smart as a Fox Babe

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  32. CNN: We almost had a surgeon general

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  33. CNN: Watch us for the pan flute commercials.

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  34. CNN: We report, you decided.

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  35. CNN: Tired of the food network, watch us.

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  36. CNN: Center of Nattering Nabobs

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  37. CNN: If Howard Beal watched us he would still be alive.

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  38. CNN: We are so bad that Rupert won't even buy us.

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  39. CNN: Halloween night special: Lou Dobbs dressed up as Rush interviews Campbell Brown dressed up as Palin.

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  40. CNN: If you think Larry looks bad, we will dig up Tammy Faye.

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  41. CNN: You won't find Chaney or Palin here - try the Outdoors channel.

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  42. Latest poles in - Jon & Kate plus 8 - thats it.

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  43. CNN: Watch the morning show. Do we have a morning show?

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  44. CC: Where we go, can Jon Stewart be far behind?

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  45. CNN: We are so bad people actually turn us off to watch Nancy Grace.

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  46. CNN: If the pollsters didn't have to watch us, we would have no ratings at all.

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  47. CNN: If it is news, your'e watching the wrong channel.

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  48. CNN: We are so bad - even Sharpton and Jackson avoid us.

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  49. If ratings were cotton, CNN couldn't make a kotex for an ant. (I think Dan Rather said that to Larry King.)

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  50. CNN: Live from cemetary city - Larry King.

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  51. CNN: Pee Wee's Playhouse we ain't - but will Anderson do?

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  52. Chris Christie Republican Candidate for Governor of New Jersey, tells Imus “I’m Going To Be A Big Fat Winner”

    http://youhavetobethistalltogoonthisride.blogspot.com/2009/10/imus-guest-chris-christie-pleasing.html

    ReplyDelete

  53. CNN: Visit our headquarters - located in Forest Lawn.

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  54. CNN: Trust, News, Larry King, Hey one outa three ain't bad.

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  55. CNN: We are so bad, even the Democrats won't watch us.

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  56. CNN: Shut up and watch or we will hire Obermann.

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  57. CNN: Larry King's epitaph - We have to leave it right there.

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  58. CNN: You will be sorry when Larry is gone.

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  59. CNN: Latest in - if you won't watch us - Obama will tax you to watch Fox.

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  60. CNN: Remember the old days when Ted and Jane were just higher then kites.

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  61. CNN: Even Barbra Streisand can't save us now.

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  62. CNN: The only award we got was stolen from some little kid's soccer team.

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  63. CNN: Special E bay edition - a live auction of Larry Kings underwear - complete with hole in knee and skid marks.

    ReplyDelete

  64. CNN: "Hurry up and watch us before Larry Kicks"

    CNN: "We Report, You Decid....hey, don't touch that remote, no, come back here...."

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  65. "CNN. Third in the ratings. Third on Jeopardy."

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  66. "CNN: First in peace, first in war and last in Nielsen ratings."

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  67. CNN: Always on the death watch for those ratings

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