CNN: Bang A Gong

Yet another story about CNN's demise. "CNN Fades In Prime Time Picture" Michael Calderone Politico

CNN czar Jon Klein's deflecting the hail of criticism under a poison-tipped umbrella - an old KGB assassination trick. London. It's just a matter of time before Klein stabs himself.

Here's what I would do in the 8 and 10p news blocks: dump Campbell Brown's "No Bias No Bull" (she's off on maternity leave anyway) and replace it with a news Gong Show and live audience.

This concept has been brewing for 25 years since now-dead TIME columnist Hugh Sidey's 1984 offering "Politics As Gong Show": That one of the problems of governing today is the excessive partisanship of Republicans and Democrats seems not to have bothered the television impresarios, who appear determined to make the campaign the biggest Gong Show of this singular year. "Politics became fun," burbled Washington Post TV Critic Tom Shales. "National fun on live TV . . . nearly as action-packed as The A-Team." Will the political handlers, consultants, producers and scriptwriters—a flourishing industry now in league with the media—turn this campaign into a litany of despair, with each candidate exaggerating America's problems in order to sell his own solutions?

Why, just last week some noted financial guru penned a Huff Post column claiming "CNBC has become the Gong Show."

To bloggers and journalists who, 30 years ago - were either not on the planet or wailing to mommy to change their poopy diapers: nothing has changed. Blame Ronald Reagan. Marveling with disdain at political theatrics and media obsession is like so, 25 years ago.

"Time Has Come Today" (Chambers Brothers) for CNN to throw in the towel on self-perceived broadcast journalism objectivity. FOX to the right and MSNBC to the left are killing CNN in the ratings.

In my mind CNN's 9p Gong Show would take the best from Fox's "American Idol." Live audience. Panel of judges (there's got to be a bawdy broad like "The Gong Show's" Jaye P. Morgan). But make her young and sexy.

Find a Chuck Barris. He's got to be egoless, naturally funny, mellow and on drugs like Chuck. Maybe he's ex-CIA like Chuck claims HE was. The frenetic hosts only work if, in the end, they plan to shoot themselves on live TV.

I'm thinking: bring back Jim Moret who became a CNN star during the O.J. mess and then went on to "Inside Edition." Jim's dad is actor James Darren.

Or introduce a current CNN star to hallucinogenics.

One of the judges has to be CNN radio's Harry Beadle. A new household name! And award-winning credibility. Imagine Harry as the next Susan Boyle!

And the bane of Keith Olbermann: Baltimore Sun TV critic David Zurawik. That's Zur-a-wick.

The contestants are reporters - broadcast, print, and Internet. Each tries to avoid The Gong by spinning their best story of the day. The interactive talent competition allows the audience to vote.

CNN can dust off that obscenely expensive hologram technology used to much laughter during the 2008 presidential campaign (remember Wolf Blitzer and hologram honey Jessica Yellin?), and beam up some of the busy contestants on deadline.

The Magic Wall used to amaze and confuse by John King during the aforementioned election will be converted to a voice stress analysis thingamabob where all journalistic offerings will be run though the truth detector.

The audience has a Jay Leno "Sale or No Sale" opportunity to vote on whether the contestants are telling the truth or lying.

CNN's Gong Show would be a two-hour nightly extravaganza with the second hour a repeat of the first.

Campbell Brown and Anderson Cooper would be forced to enroll in the MSNBC Broadcast Journalism Re-education Camp at an Undisclosed Location (in the vicinity of Blackwater's secret torture training facility) in the mountains of western North Carolina.

Meanwhile Time Warner brass fire CNN prez Jon Klein before subjecting him to waterboarding (aired live on Larry King). Klein confesses in 2:17 to lying to the press about CNN's success. The broken and re-educated news exec is immediately rehired.