Prime-Time TV: The Oncoming Fusillade of Flatulence

NBC turned up its regal nose turning down three million bucks for that PETA Super Bowl spot wannabe with those nearly naked nymphets inferring unspeakable acts with phallic asparagus, gourds, whatever. NBC dicks flicked their wicks nixing the slick chicks.

No more.

The rats take the cheese - feeding us with Velveeta as the economic realities set in. Vaginal lubrication for those PETA cucumbers. LA Times: "The Absolut Vodka commercials that aired in Los Angeles and 14 other cities during Sunday night's Grammy Awards marked the first time in years that liquor ads ran in prime time on network-owned stations. Also crowding the airwaves during heavy viewing hours are infomercials once reserved for the middle of the night and ads touting extramarital affairs and the intimate uses of K-Y Jelly."

Michael Hirschorn "The Future Is Cheese" The Atlantic Monthly: "The mere fact that moving a talk-show host from 11:30 to 10p.m.—a banal decision, on the face of it—has occasioned so much breathless coverage is more a sign of how change-resistant network television has traditionally been. But whether the Leno decision stemmed from desperation (by most gauges, NBC is now the fourth-ranked broadcast network), PR bravado (this is show business, after all), or just an unsentimental recognition of the need to make lemonade out of lemons, it will be only the first of many such moves. Amid an economic downturn that’s calling into question most old-school business strategies, the underpinnings of much of the mainstream television business are coming unstuck—and the first casualty may be the profusion of triple-decker, lavishly produced, scripted television that we’ve all taken for granted."

"Jay Leno’s big move is just one obvious response to this reality. NBC got strong ratings, for instance, by running politically themed Saturday Night Live prime-time specials on Thursdays during election season, and it’s almost inevitable that SNL, or a live or topical show that shares its DNA, will appear regularly in prime time in the near future. I also wouldn’t be surprised if the Today show, or some version thereof, started appearing in the 8 p.m. slot before long. And of course, there’s always room for more of my fave, reality TV. One of NBC’s ratings successes this winter was the premiere of a live competition show called Superstars of Dance, starring the ultimate in cheesetastic celebrity: the “Lord of the Dance” himself, Michael Flatley. (Ratings for subsequent installments dropped, perhaps proving that not all cheese ages well.) None of this should be shocking to anyone who has watched TV elsewhere in the world. Italian prime-time TV is filled with vapid variety shows featuring improbably hot chicks cavorting with goatish older men. British prime time is a parade of reality competitions and variety shows of the Donny & Marie type, all produced on the cheap and instantly disposable."

"Niche networks like HBO and Showtime may loom even larger than they do now: they’re supported by cable subscription fees, and they’ve smartly anticipated the move away from real-time viewing and made video-on-demand part of their broader scheme. This has allowed those networks not only to continue to produce top-flight scripted shows, but also to promote them with a fervor redolent of the old days of Must-See TV. Surely the current economic meltdown is hurting pay-cable’s revenues, but the business is still awfully juicy. And as the networks increasingly become the domain of the Lord of the Dance, viewers will (I think, and hope) happily continue to pay for quality."

"Those who don’t will get what they don’t pay for: not a cultural wasteland, exactly, but the television equivalent of AM talk radio, which survived the emergence of higher-quality FM radio in the 1970s by reverting to its core strength—cheap, live talk. And the world will tune in, because cheese has its own rewards. When no one’s looking, I might even laugh at Jay Leno’s monologues."

Budweiser's Super Bowl "Cut The Cheese" ad that never aired [pun intended]: