He does more than salute with that right hand. Ernest Borgnine was on Fox & Friends this a.m. When asked by Steve Doocy what his secret was for looking so young for his age (he is 91), Borgnine whispered (very loudly), “I masturbate a lot…” Don't we all? Ernie's got brass balls to admit it.
John Edwards should've just beat himself off like Ernie and avoided beating himself up "From Here To Paternity."
12 comments:
Ernie's vanity license plate is
BORG-9. Guess it should have been
MASTERB-8
And of course you know for what movie Ernie won his Oscar, don't you?
"Marty"
Yeah, and I get myself off every chance I have...
Jim, you should be writing CB! Borg-9. Masterb-8. Too funny!
I'm still pining for Martha Stewart's 18 carat gold-plated Swedish vibrator at $1,500 she plugged on Howard Stern two years ago this December...
funniest goddamned thing i've ever seen! where's capt. binghamton when we need him? oh--i forgot--he's dead! maybe HE should've...
sean
I adored Phil Silvers, too, Sean! Did you catch Steve Doocy shaking Ernie's hand after the interview?
Not to worry: Paul Simon: [the left hand} "That's the hand to use, well, never mind..." Scandalous lyric in the 60s song "A Simple Desutory Philipic:
Hey, you, under 40. Do you know who these people are Simon's talking about?
I been Norman Mailered, Maxwell Taylored.
I been John O'Hara'd, McNamara'd.
I been Rolling Stoned and Beatled till I'm blind.
I been Ayn Randed, nearly branded
Communist, 'cause rm left-handed.
That's the hand I use, well, never mind!
I been Phil Spectored, resurrected.
I been Lou Adlered, Barry Sadlered.
Well, I paid all the dues I want to pay.
And I learned the truth from Lenny Bruce,
And all my wealth won't buy me health,
So I smoke a pint of tea a day.
I knew a man, his brain so small,
He couldn't think of nothing at all.
He's not the same as you and me.
He doesn't dig poetry. He's so unhip that
When you say Dylan, he thinks you're talking about Dylan Thomas,
Whoever he was.
The man ain't got no culture,
But its alright, ma,
Everybody must get stoned.
I been Mick Jaggered, silver daggered.
Andy Warhol, won't you please come home?
I been mothered, fathered, aunt and uncled,
Been Roy Haleed and Art Garfunkeled.
I just discovered somebody's tapped my phone
Marty--you're successful now! You don't have to do those things for yourself anymore!
I get a$$ all the time but it doesn't stop me from indulging! I agree with jimbo Marty, you don't have to anymore /if you don't want to/. ;)
I only know 4-5 of the people in that song/poem and I'm 30... I can relate to a lot of its content, however.
The swedish vibrator--the gift that keeps on giving.
Old habits die hard...
Old hards die a habit...
I'm your wicked Uncle Ernie, off hand I wood say I've discovered The Fountain of Youth.
Post a Comment